Bound about with a napkin

My credo is that roleplaying is about everything, so I was intrigued to come across this in a letter that Benjamin Franklin wrote to Jacques Barbeu-Duborg in April 1773:

"A toad buried in sand will live, it is said, till the sand becomes petrified: and then, being enclosed in the stone, it may still live for we know not how many ages. The facts which are cited in support of this opinion are too numerous and too circumstantial not to deserve a certain degree of credit. [...] A plant, with its flowers, fades and dies immediately if exposed to the air without having its root immersed in a humid soil, from which it may draw a sufficient quantity of moisture to supply that which exhales from its substance and is carried off continually by the air. Perhaps, however, if it were buried in quicksilver, it might preserve, for a considerable space of time, its vegetable life, its smell, and colour. If this be the case, it might prove a commodious method of transporting from distant countries those delicate plants which are unable to sustain the inclemency of the weather at sea, and which require particular care and attention.

"I have seen an instance of common flies preserved in a manner somewhat similar. They had been drowned in Madeira wine, apparently about the time when it was bottled in Virginia to be sent hither (to London). At the opening of one of the bottles, at the house of a friend where I then was, three drowned flies fell into the first glass that was filled. Having heard it remarked that drowned flies were capable of being revived by the rays of the sun, I proposed making the experiment upon these: they were therefore exposed to the sun upon a sieve, which had been employed to strain them out of the wine. In less than three hours, two of them began by degrees to recover life. They commenced by some convulsive motions of the thighs, and at length they raised themselves upon their legs, wiped their eyes with their fore-feet, beat and brushed their wings with their hind-feet, and soon after began to fly, finding themselves in Old England, without knowing how they came thither. The third continued lifeless till sunset, when, losing all hopes of him, he was thrown away."

What does this tell us, other than that Franklin held no prejudice against a dangling participle? If it was anybody else I'd dismiss the story of the flies out of hand. We know that fruit flies can survive three days of drowning. Is it credible a bluebottle could last a year?

I suspect that Franklin is confusing two memories. (He doesn't tell Duborg how long ago this happened.) Perhaps on one occasion he saw the flies tipped out of the Madeira bottle, and somebody talked about how long they might survive. Later, he tried immersing and reviving some flies and found it was possible - but after a few hours, not months.

I recall a story, though cannot find the source now, of an officer killed during the retreat from Moscow whom Napoleon ordered sent back in a butt of wine for proper burial in France. What with one thing and another, the body got forgotten in the corner of a regimental cellar for a few decades until the barrel split open, perhaps from the gases released by putrefaction (got to hope nobody had been drinking from that barrel), and the dead officer spilled out. His beard, according to the fabulous account given by a witness, had grown to several feet long.

It wasn't an isolated case. Military campaigning meant that officers' corpses often had to be preserved, as this account by Napoleon's valet of the post-mortem experiences of the Duke of Montebello shows:

"In a few hours putrefaction became complete, and they were obliged to plunge the mutilated body into a bath filled with corrosive sublimate. This extremely dangerous operation was long and painful; and M. Cadet de Gassicourt deserves much commendation for the courage he displayed under these circumstances; for notwithstanding every precaution, and in spite of the strong disinfectants burned in the room, the odour of this corpse was so fetid, and the vapor from the sublimate so strong, that the distinguished chemist was seriously indisposed.

"Like several other persons, I had a sad curiosity to see the marshal's body in this condition. It was frightful. The trunk, which had been covered by the solution, was greatly swollen; while on the contrary, the head, which had been left outside the bath, had shrunk remarkably, and the muscles of the face had contracted in the most hideous manner, the wide-open eyes starting out of their sockets. After the body had remained eight days in the corrosive sublimate, which it was necessary to renew, since the emanations from the interior of the corpse had decomposed the solution, it was put into a cask made for the purpose, and filled with the same liquid; and it was in this cask that it was carried from Schoenbrunn to Strasburg. In this last place it was taken out of the strange coffin, dried in a net, and wrapped in the Egyptian style; that is, surrounded with bandages, with the face uncovered."

Plenty of inspiration there for something creepy, or simply a melancholy memento mori episode to give your players a shudder?

The illustration above is by the late Martin McKenna. Martin wasn't a roleplayer (surprisingly) but he would have loved all this stuff about resurrected insects and pickled heroes. I'm still finding it a wrench that he is no longer in the world, and that painting has particularly fond memories because we came up with the concept for it together as part of our Frankenstein's Legions project. So the lesson as the year draws to an end is to hold onto your dear friends - but not to the extent of preserving them in brandy. Happy Christmas!

"A Garland of Holly" (A Yuletide adventure set in Legend)

Yep, two Christmas scenarios this year. We already had Tim Harford's "The Malletta Caper" and here's a quieter and more cerebral adventure by me. This originally appeared a couple of years ago on my Jewelspider Patreon page. It's a sketchier affair than Tim's, with the expectation that the referee will shape the details to fit the campaign. Here we have a mixture of the pagan nature of magic in the Jewelspider world with the folk horror that infuses a lot of Legend scenarios. Grey heads will not fail to notice also the nod to The Avengers episode "A Surfeit of H2O", the opening scene of which blew me away when I saw it aged 8.

The honeymoon is over...

Theodor of Utherwick (29 years old, medium height, solid and dependable) should be a gentleman untroubled by cares. He has recently wed and set up a house in Cantorbridge with his young wife Epiphany (15 years old, willowy, pale, a little dreamy). He is respected for his bravery in battle, and sought after for advice because of his sober and thoughtful manner. He has prosperous interests and is lord of several manors – including, now, the village of Burstow, where Epiphany grew up.

Yet Theodor is far from being at ease. Two of his friends have died unexpectedly and suddenly. A third has become so nervous that he has shut himself away and refuses to see visitors.

How might the player-characters come into the picture? They could be relatives or friends of somebody involved. One or more of them could even be witnesses to Theodor’s and Epiphany’s wedding, which would bring the threat close to home, as we shall see.

Theodor’s story

The characters meet Theodor at his house in Cantorbridge. It is a crisp day with light, powdery snow falling to skitter in the wind across the flagstones of front path. Beyond, golden and limpid in the clear cold air, the cathedral stands above the rooftops like the ramparts of heaven.

Theodor welcomes them into a hall made snug by thick drapes and a crackling fire. ‘We always have a log from my wife’s home,’ he says, prompting a shy smile from her as she sits a little way off working at her embroidery. ‘The scent of home.’

He fills them in on what’s happened: ‘Clifford of Durnover was the first. He jumped off the parapet of his castle. They say he’d eaten bad mushrooms and they sent him mad. But not long after, Reynaud Longarm was drowned.’

‘Unfortunate. Was he a strong swimmer?’

‘He was found in the middle of a field. Stinking pools of stagnant water all around him, but this was half a mile from the nearest river.’

‘Even so, two deaths… a sad coincidence?’

‘These were found in their mouths.’ Theodor brings out a cloth and unwraps it to reveal two large husks, seed pods about the size of an apricot pit.

‘And you mentioned a third friend?’

‘A neighbour, rather. Caspar the dyer. He’s shut himself up and won’t see anyone. He gave us the covers on those chairs as a wedding present.’

‘Generous.’

‘I’m a good customer. And he was a witness at our wedding, as were the other two, so I suppose he thought a gift was in order.’

Epiphany

Epiphany sits quietly sewing throughout all this. She is a good wife by the standards of her society, where the ideal of womanhood is the Saviour’s mother: gentle, kind, modest, meek and mild.

She would not expect to be directly questioned by any of the characters, and if they do then she defers to her husband to answer. No male character will get anything more than polite remarks out of her. For anything deeper she’d have to be interviewed by a female character in private, or possibly by an elderly man or a priest who could serve as confessor. Alternatively the characters might try questioning her maidservant Joanna – but not her old governess, Sister Shila (50 years old, tough as boiled leather) who most certainly will never betray the family’s confidence.

Therefore teasing out all the details may take some care and patience.

Life stories

Epiphany was raised in the manor hall of Burstow, a village nestled into a fold in the Cullen Woods about twenty leagues north of Cantorbridge. Theodor was her mother’s cousin, and the family betrothed her to him eight years ago, when she was seven and he was twenty-one and just about to set out to Outremer.

A year later her father died in a shipwreck and her mother became deranged and had to be committed to a religious community. Her stern governess, Sister Shila, was left to bring up Epiphany until Theodor, who was also now legally her guardian, could come to fetch her.

Theodor found that Epiphany, not unreasonably, had grown up a withdrawn and otherworldly girl. With no companions except her dog, Burl, she had taken to solitary walks and long periods gazing at the books she found in an old chest in her parents’ room. With no education she had barely been able to figure out what any of the books said, but she occasionally showed pages to the local parson and in any case she enjoyed looking at the pictures.

Reasoning that his bride had to be brought back to reality by putting aside childish things, Theodor gathered up all the books and threw them out. In fact, he gave them to the priest, Father Lucian, who officiated at the wedding.

The wedding ceremony took place in Theodor’s private chapel in Cantorbridge in the presence of the old priest Lucian and four witnesses: Clifford (deceased), Reynaud (deceased), Caspar, and Theodor’s comrade in arms and best man, Kendrick of Heligston.

Secrets

Shortly after her father’s death, Epiphany came across an ancient weathered stone idol in the woods. It was nestled in a tree that had grown around it, so that the leaf-crowned countenance seemed to peer from another world. Perhaps connecting it with stories she’d half understood from scripture lessons, Epiphany thought the diadem of leaves (in fact mistletoe) on the idol’s brow was a crown of thorns and so identified it as the Saviour. She pieced together a prayer that she found in one of the books – a genuine prayer, but when recited in front of a pagan god it could equally be taken as an expression of fealty to older ways. For a while she left offerings in front of the idol, small tokens but yet enough to pierce ten centuries of stony sleep.

Years later, trying to hold onto her books when Theodor and Shila gathered them to sling out, Epiphany tore out that page by accident. She had long forgotten the idol in the woods but now was reminded of it and spoke the prayer again, this time with the force of urgent emotion, and the Wildwood Lord woke. Epiphany’s fervent prayer then was not to wed. She pledged herself instead to her ‘angel in the tree’, supposing that to be akin to the way she had been told her mother was now a bride of the Saviour.

But the passions of youth are squalls that can blow as mightily in one direction as another, and arranged marriages that start out in dudgeon or dismay can alter course towards more sympathetic feelings. Adjusting to Theodor’s presence in her life, and aware that marriage to him was her parents’ dearest wish, Epiphany came to accept the union. Perhaps in time she will even come to be glad of it. She soon forgot her prayer to the ‘angel in the tree’. But in the depths of the wood, a nature god stirred from slumber did not forget.

The Wildwood Lord considers that Epiphany has sworn herself to him. He will do away with Epiphany’s current husband and then claim her as his own. But as Epiphany has vowed before witnesses to ‘honour and obey ‘Theodor and ‘cherish and support’ him, and that conflicting vow has the force of the True Faith behind it, by the relentless logic of faerie the Wildwood Lord must first kill all those witnesses in order to free her of any other allegiance.

Clues

As mentioned above, a lone female character or a confessor could get a private interview with Epiphany and learn some of the above from her. It might be tempting to make Epiphany confident, brilliant and liberated and Theodor a bullying misogynist dolt, which is certainly what a modern 'romantasy' writer would do, but in the context of Legend's society that is neither interesting nor credible. Epiphany is fifteen. She has led a sheltered life. She has had access to books but insofar as she has any education she is largely self-taught. She agrees with the general principle that a wife should be dutiful and obedient because that’s what the Church drums into everybody.

That said, having been left to run wild for the last seven years she can be headstrong and moody, though she feels that’s wrong and she is trying to adjust to married life. No doubt her feelings towards Theodor are conflicted.

Getting Epiphany to talk about her life in Burstow should be difficult at first, but she’s artless and once she starts opening up it becomes easier. Even so, her prayer to the nature god is personal. At times she thinks it’s a sacred trust, at others a juvenile foolishness, so she is unlikely to blurt it out to a stranger. But with careful questioning she may very hesitantly confess to having half-woken in the night to see her ‘green angel’ at the foot of her bed after each killing.

The characters will also want to talk to other witnesses.

The dyer

Caspar the dyer is frightened. He was returning to town at dusk a few days ago and saw what he thought was a figure waiting near a stile. As he drew closer he realized it was a small tree covered with ivy, making it look like a person standing by the lane. But as he passed he felt a blow to the side of his head, cutting his cheek though no one was there. The next day he found green tendrils growing from under the bandage he’d applied, and now half his face is covered with ivy whose roots are deep in his flesh.

Caspar has been in seclusion for days now, praying constantly. He won’t admit his servant to his room, but sent him out to procure holy water from the cathedral. The servant is ‘Joseph’ (originally called Mahad), a Harogarnian who was liberated (if you can call it that) from Ta’ashim slavery into indentured servitude and brought back to Ellesland ten years ago. Figuring that his foreign appearance makes it risky to try filching holy water from the font, he actually brought back a bottle of river water that Caspar has been sprinkling on his foliage-covered face each day to no avail.

Unless the characters can resolve things very quickly, Caspar will be found dead in a couple of days when the plant tendrils reach his brain. The body is found with another of the seed pods in its mouth.

The priest

While talking to Father Lucian the characters will notice he lip-reads because he’s gone deaf in his old age. If they press the point he will admit that he never heard Epiphany’s vows as he was looking down at the order of service. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ he hastens to say. ‘The service is a sacrament, of course, but it is just as binding without the involvement of the clergy. I simply officiated as an old friend of both families.’

The important point is that he is not a witness to Epiphany’s vow to honour and obey her husband, and so is not one of the Wildwood Lord’s intended victims. He has therefore not been plagued by visitations such as Caspar experienced. (Or is it because he's a holy man? We will never know.)

Lucian could also be drawn into a discussion of the legality of the marriage. He discussed with Theodor a possible wrinkle in the arrangement, namely that Epiphany had not started menstruating when promised to Theodor, so arguably their betrothal eight years ago didn’t count as formally binding. Still, it was her parents’ wish, which counts in other courts than that of law, and she was seven years old which counts as the ‘age of reasonable consent’ to betrothal.

The characters may intuit from this that Theodor was uncertain whether he should wed Epiphany or not, hence his discussion with Father Lucian beforehand and his request to have Lucian at the ceremony.

The torn leaf

If they ask to see the books that Theodor gave Lucian, the characters may notice that a page has been roughly torn out of one. Part of an image remains that showed the Saviour nailed to a tree, the page bordered with a decorative motif of leaves and branches. Inspecting the rest of the book, a scholar would recognize that it consists of prayers and apocrypha with a noticeably naturistic theme – not a heathen text, but one that could be read as heathen by an impressionable or untutored mind.

The best man

Kendrick of Heligston has been at his manor house and has only just received Theodor’s letter about the deaths. He is not especially given to fancies and so doesn’t believe he’s on a list of doomed souls.

The seeds

If planted in soil, the seed pods found in the victims’ mouths sprout grey-green leaves that if worn as a garland will give some defence against the Wildwood Lord’s power.

The bride has flown

After Caspar’s death, Epiphany runs away. It doesn’t take long to find out that she’s headed back home to Burstow. Sister Shila has left a note, having set off after her. Perhaps, having changed her mind now about marriage to Theodor, Epiphany has gone looking for the torn page with the prayer written on it with some notion of taking back what she wished for. Or maybe she thinks that by offering herself to the ‘angel in the tree’ (which she must surely realize by now is not the gentle and forgiving Saviour of the True Faith) she can stop the deaths.

So the wife is drawn home to her family’s country house and the husband follows – and the characters too. And the stage is set for the final act.

Yuletide in Burstow

Theodor is learning patience. Rather than dragging Epiphany back to town, he indulges her to the extent of proposing they spend Yule at Burstow Manor. He is still very far from linking his wife to the deaths, and he thinks that spending the holidays in her childhood home may help her to adjust more readily to married life.

The villagers are happy to see their young mistress back home. She has always been an aloof figure but her parents were popular and their orphaned daughter was always an object of pity to the locals. In keeping with tradition, and to Epiphany’s delight and Theodor’s indulgent amusement, the manor hall is decorated with a garland of flowers, dried throughout the year and now woven into a long wreath that encircles the beams.

Theodor sets about throwing himself into village life, supposing that is what his wife wants. He joins in a rough-and-tumble hurling match and is injured – not seriously, but Epiphany is alarmed and rushes to his side, insisting on binding up the cut herself. The characters cannot fail to see that after the rocky start to the marriage the two of them are drawing together.

A few days before Saviour’s Day it snows. The night sky is flooded with stars. Magic is on the air in at least two flavours: pagan and dark, and that even older magic of romantic love. But the latter is a fragile spell, still in the early stages of casting. Epiphany is moody, Theodor serious and still half inclined to treat her as a child. Their future would be uncertain enough even without a nature god of olden times bringing a curse down upon them.

Kendrick arrives, having sought Theodor in town. As the roads are now thick with snow, he remains as their guest for the festivities.

The prayer

‘O lord of the living world, I beseech thee, save me from the malice of those who hate me so that their wickedness gives them no power over me and they may not use me for their ends. Guide my steps that I may walk without offending thee. Free me from the hands of my enemies, visible and invisible, above and below, and bring me into thy company, that I may serve thee evermore in body and soul. Enfold me in the arms of thy love.’

The semi-literate Epiphany has garbled this, but the core sentiment of pledging herself to the Lord she was addressing remains.

The characters

How will they find out the key info in the third act, in particular the reveal that the Wildwood Lord is going to end all this by taking Epiphany's life too, once he has freed of her of her vows to another? One way is by talking to a scholar with magical knowledge (that could even be the old nurse) or, if one of player-characters is a sorcerer, by coming across a reference in his/her own books. And of course they might come across the torn page.

The key pieces of information:

• The prayer offers the speaker body and soul to the Lord. 
• When the witnesses and Theodor are all dead, there is no rival claim upon Epiphany except for her pledge to ‘the angel in the tree’. 
• The idol is in the cleft of a tree in the woods. 
• The seed pods can be used to give limited protection against the pagan god’s minions. 
• Destroying the idol or getting Epiphany to reject her ‘green angel’ will both serve to break the Wildwood Lord’s claim over her. 

Burstow has a mischief night tradition which has servants ruling masters and wives ruling husbands. If Theodor can be persuaded to go along with the game, that provides a key to breaking the fate that the prayer has cursed them with, rather as Gawain broke the Loathly Lady’s curse by granting that she should have her own way.

The Green Man

His appearance: skin pale and greenish-yellow like stripped bark, a holly crown bleeding sap. (This needn’t involve a physical manifestation to the player-characters themselves, it could be Epiphany’s description from her dreams or a victim’s dying account.)

The characters cannot harm the Wildwood Lord himself, though they could destroy any creatures ('ympes') he sends to kill witnesses to the wedding vows. The ympes look like the skeletons of small woodland creatures held together with knotted creepers, and furred or feathered with wet dead leaves. The characters’ best bet is to resist his power long enough to find and destroy the idol or get the wife to abjure him, either of which casts him out for good.

How would they find the idol? For example, they might take Epiphany’s old dog for a walk in the woods and it leads them close to where the idol is, though they will still have to poke around a bit. Destroying the idol will banish the Wildwood Lord from this area.

Of course, it can’t be that easy. Breaking the idol begins to close the Wildwood Lord’s gateway into the present mortal realm, but he doesn’t go quietly or easily. On Yule eve, the garland begins to stir, animating into a furious thrashing serpentine form made up of flower petals, vines and twigs. If your players’ taste inclines towards the old school climactic fight, this last gasp of the Wildwood Lord will give them quite a struggle. Its aim is to slay the remaining witnesses, including Theodor, and then encircle Epiphany and draw her up the chimney (a grotesque reversal of Santa bringing presents, the players may think). If it gets to that then she’s lost, and will be found pale and cold the next day, hanging dead in a tree with mistletoe and holly binding her to the trunk. The characters could fight smart if they notice the flowers and creepers become fresh; they have only to lure the garland outside into the snow and the cold will weaken it.

But a combat might seem crass. Even so, simply to have the Wildwood Lord go without any fuss or fury is a bit of a damp squib. Rather than having the garland murderously animate, his face could manifest in it, making a last demand on Epiphany’s loyalty. It’s still a climactic battle, but now the field on which the battle is fought is the young woman’s soul, and the characters must muster arguments to keep her from giving herself to the ancient nature spirit.

If the characters fail

First all the witnesses will die, then Theodor, and finally the Wildwood Lord will come to claim Epiphany as his virgin queen of winter, dying as the year must die to make way for rebirth in the spring.

If they prevail

Quite possibly the Wildwood Lord if thwarted will exact some last vengeance. Perhaps his animated garland sets the manor house on fire; pagan gods never go quietly and are often petty. But as Epiphany watches her family home burn, shivering in the snow, her husband puts his cloak around her shoulders. The characters spend the rest of the Yule season down in the village, where Theodor and Epiphany are welcomed as guests. Out of the shared strong emotion and life-changing experiences they can grow closer together and – who knows –end up as a genuinely loving couple. It’s Christmas; even in Legend we can occasionally hint at a happy ending.

The Coronet

by Andrew Marvell 

When for the thorns with which I long, too long,
With many a piercing wound,
My Saviour’s head have crowned,
I seek with garlands to redress that wrong:
Through every garden, every mead,
I gather flowers (my fruits are only flowers),
Dismantling all the fragrant towers
That once adorned my shepherdess’s head.
And now when I have summed up all my store,
Thinking (so I myself deceive)
So rich a chaplet thence to weave
As never yet the King of Glory wore:
Alas, I find the serpent old
That, twining in his speckled breast,
About the flowers disguised does fold,
With wreaths of fame and interest.
Ah, foolish man, that wouldst debase with them,
And mortal glory, Heaven’s diadem!
But Thou who only couldst the serpent tame,
Either his slippery knots at once untie;
And disentangle all his winding snare;
Or shatter too with him my curious frame,
And let these wither, so that he may die,
Though set with skill and chosen out with care:
That they, while Thou on both their spoils dost tread,
May crown thy feet, that could not crown thy head.

Green Man images above by Llywelyn2000 (CC BY-SA 3.0) and Disdero (CC BY-SA 4.0) respectively.

An intelligent book index

Recently (here and here for example) we've listened to some of the Deep Dive podcasts that Google's NotebookLM can generate. Fun as they are, I didn't want anyone to go away with the idea that's all NotebookLM can do. As a friend who uses NotebookLM for work put it, the audios are just a party trick. What's much more useful (and reliable) is the ability to get it to read a bunch of source texts and then answer questions about what's in them.

I'll give you an example. A few years ago, I was part of a team working on an adaptation of Jack Vance's Lyonesse setting to the Mythras RPG system. I was responsible for the chapters involving the Ska, an austere race of invaders, and the city of Ys. The first thing I did was go through all the books, which I'd been given in digital form, to pull out any references to Ys or the Ska. So I ended up with fifty pages of notes like this:

Fifty pages is a lot to wade through. Four years on, how much easier it would have been with the help of NotebookLM. I uploaded the three Lyonesse books and then asked, "What do we know about Ska warships and naval tactics?"

Each of those numbers opens a quote from the source text. The first note, for example:

"The Smaadra, unable to outrun the Ska ship, prepared for battle. The catapults were manned and armed, fire-pots prepared and slung to booms; arrow screens raised above the bulwarks. The battle went quickly. After a few arrow volleys the Ska moved in close and tried to grapple. The Troice returned the arrow fire, then winged out a boom and slung a fire-pot accurately onto the longship, where it exploded in a terrible surprise of yellow flame. At a range of thirty yards the Smaadra’s catapults in a leisurely fashion broke the longship apart. The Smaadra stood by to rescue survivors but the Ska made no attempt to swim from the wallowing hulk of their once-proud ship, which presently sank under the weight of its loot."

You can see how much time that would have saved me and the other Lyonesse designers. Dedicated large language models like NotebookLM are going to be indispensable to writers, especially if you're working on an ongoing series or doing the worldbuilding for an RPG or videogame. A lot of people protest about the use of AI in creative fields (just look on social media; there are more Dunning-Kruger AI pundits there now than there were overnight "experts" in immunology during the covid pandemic) but by that argument it's cheating to have an index or contents page in any reference book. The truth is that the time the LLM is saving is just the drudge work. It's essentially doing a researcher's job, which leaves the writer more time and energy to be creative. And I call that progress.

The image is Mick van Houten's painting for the cover of The Green Pearl.

Some stocking fillers

With Christmas coming up, I feel I should suggest a few presents. Christmas Eve is the perfect time for weird tales, and they don't come any better than John Whitbourn's Binscombe Tales -- the perfect blend of eeriness, wit, charm and chills. But don't overlook the same author's novel Babylondon, which I sometimes categorize as Doctor Who meets A Matter of Life & Death:

"1780, The Gordon Riots: London is on fire and in the hands of the mob. Babylon rises from the Infernal depths to replace England’s capital and rule forever. Enter the enigmatic Cavaliere, sent to sort things out, armed only with a swordstick—and frightfully good manners."

Also recommended is his short story collection Altered Englands, "where traditional ghost stories rub shoulders with alternate histories, science fiction, fantasy, and tales of the supernatural. Expect blood to be chilled, pulses to quicken, and wry smiles to be raised. Includes the concluding—and revelatory—story from the Binscombe Tales series, ‘England Expects!’"

John Whitbourn doesn't only write for grown-ups. Like many authors, he has shared the tales he told to his own children. Look for Amy-Faith & the Stronghold and Amy-Faith & the Enemy of Calm.

Also imbued with the magic we expect of the season is Roz Morris's delightful short novel Lifeform Three, in which a robot and an animal together remind the humans of the future what really matters in life. Roz also wrote a charming and quirky travel memoir, Not Quite Lost, in which the Morrises explore odd corners of the UK; think Bill Bryson with more focus on the lives and eccentricities of the people met. Of course, I'm not impartial.

Another timeless classic guaranteed to bring thrills and laughs: Jamie Thomson's Dark Lord novels. Supposedly for kids but loved just as much by grown-ups, the series makes ideal reading for Christmas.

If you're not into fiction, regular readers will remember that I have previously praised Andy Fletcher's memoir-cum-life-guide How To Back Horses & Yourself. As I put it in my Amazon review, reading it is like going for a pint with somebody who is expert in their subject and is also a dazzling raconteur who can be funny and insightful while telling you all the ins and outs of their subject.

There's nothing Christmassy about Fights in Tight Spaces, but it is a fun little game that Jamie and I have been enjoying recently, and if you're too lazy to do any shopping it has the advantage that you can just download it. It reminds me a little of the classic boardgame Gunslinger, given that your tactical moves are played in the form of cards with an action point cost (though in Gunslinger you choose the round's cards rather than having them dealt randomly and most cards can be played in more than one way). The developer is currently polishing a follow-up called Knights in Tight Spaces, which I can see myself losing many hours to.

Or what about a gamebook? Some of the best available are Martin Noutch's Steam Highwayman series, rich with enough period atmosphere, innovative fantasy, exhilarating adventure, and vivid characters to draw comparison with Dickens. Playing these is like diving into your own Christmas Day movie.

Possibly the ultimate in depth of both setting and gameplay is Expeditionary Company. This series is complex but rewards the care and attention you'll put into every detail, even down to the NPC guards you'll pick to defend your caravans: some of the NPCs are arrogant and hard to get along with but consummate fighters, others have valuable skills like healing, survival, tracking and trading. There's a huge range of downloadable extras you can find here. What would be even more perfect to turn Expeditionary Company into a Christmas gift would be if there was a boardgame adaptation (maybe a Kickstarter for 2025 there?) but with a little imagination you'll find the gamebooks are all you'll need to carry you off into a whole other world of fabulous adventures.

Another innovative gamebook is In the Ashes by Pablo Aguilera. I say gamebook, but this really is a solo RPG with a fascinating admixture of boardgame elements. I intend to talk more about both this and Expeditionary Company when I get time to analyze them in detail, but suffice it to say that In the Ashes is a physically gorgeous artefact that would make an ideal Christmas present.

Or for something visual that's both disturbing and charming at the same time, let me recommend Ryan Lovelock's brilliant Kadath Express. Ryan has provided a free digital version (hit the link) for you to try online, but consider splashing out for the hardback because it really makes a gorgeous gift.

For roleplaying into the New Year, I like the look of Postmortem Studios' Wightchester: Prison City of the Damned. It's sort of the horror reversal of Mirabilis (see below) as the comet of 1666 causes the dead to rise from their graves. The rising is worst in England, where the dead from the plague and the recent Civil War overwhelm the city of Whitchester, which is subsequently sealed up tight and walled off, becoming Wightchester. The city is now a prison for criminals tasked with reclaiming it and facing certain death from the undead should they fail. (And for further ideas to keep the campaign going once Whitchester is purged of zombies, you could do worse than plunder the imagination of Pat Mills in his comic Defoe: 1666.)

If you're looking for books of mine (and bless you, if so) then the ones I'd most recommend for Christmas are Mirabilis: Year of Wonders volume one and volume two. And if comics are not your thing, the Edwardian fantasy of the Mirabilis universe is also on show in A Minotaur at the Savoy, a collection of quirky vignettes. Or if it's a virtual stocking you're looking to fill, try the online version of Heart of Ice generously coded by Benjamin Fox.

And for viewing on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, here are a few things I've enjoyed over the years while recovering between bouts of turkey and pudding. Wine may also have been involved.

• 101 Dalmatians
• Catch Me If You Can
• First Men in the Moon
• A Ghost Story for Christmas (especially "The Ash Tree")
• Inside Number 9 (like M R James, ideal for Christmas Eve)
• Knight & Day
• The Ladykillers
• The Lost City
• Passengers
• Robin Redbreast
• Spy
• The Stone Tape
• Survivors (1975)
• The Time Traveler's Wife
• The Woman in Black (1989)

Finally, a freebie: my pulp-era SF pastiche "Cubic Capacity". It's not specifically set at this time of year but it has got a lacing of whimsy such as readers used to find in Unknown, which seems appropriate to the season, and being free it counts as a gift. I was 15 years old when I wrote the story and I'm not sure I could do it any better today. A ghost of Christmas Past, then.

Where's Jack?

Last Friday's brilliant scenario notwithstanding, I'm not usually much of a fan of the heist genre, finding most examples of it too slick and formulaic. But maybe James Clavell's movie Where's Jack? doesn't count, as it doesn't much concern itself with the procedural details of thievery. The movie is hard to find these days -- surprising, given that Clavell is still famous for Shogun and the writers, David and Rafe Newhouse, also penned John Boorman's classic Point Blank.

Set in the early 1700s, Where's Jack? dramatizes the story of Jack Sheppard (Georgian London's Billy the Kid) and the thief-taker Jonathan Wild. I think roleplayers will enjoy it. There's smart storytelling, interesting characterization, and it moves along with unflagging pace. (As a bonus for followers of Dirk the Dice on The Grognard Files, there's a cameo appearance by Caroline Munro.)

If something like Where's Jack? were made today it wouldn't be half as good. You want diversity, one way to get it is to look at how the filmmakers of half a century ago saw our shared past. Watch the movie while it's still up there (ad-free) on YouTube.

"The Malletta Caper" (a Yuletide adventure set in Legend)

For the players

You are a charismatic gang of rogues, notorious all around the Coradian sea for your daring exploits – or so you like to tell yourselves. You’ve been hired by a representative of a certain Parcelus Pike, a merchant and collector of strange antiquities, usually based in the great city of Ferromaine.

Pike, however, has arranged to meet you at the small island of Malletta, long the regional base of the order of the Knights Protector. Malletta has been a vital defensive outpost against the incursions of corsairs and the occasional Ta’ashim expeditionary force. It is heavily fortified, boasts a grand cathedral and what is thought to be the world’s largest hospital – but the dusty city of Malletta has also seen more prosperous days. It is an unusual place to be deploying your distinctive gifts, but Pike has a reputation for paying well.

The Knights Protector

To give them their full name, the Order of Knights of the Sanctuary of St Zachariah. They began as a monastic order devoted to the shelter of the sick, poor and injured, then acquiring a more active role escorting and defending pilgrims to holy sites. They administer the island of Malletta as a vassal state of Algandy. The official language of the island is Bacchile, though around the docks you’ll more commonly hear lingua Coradia. The flag of the order is a white triangle on a red field, said to represent the opening of a tent, and the knights’ tabards follow the same design.

Meeting Parcelus Pike

Pike has paid for the characters to travel by ship from Ferromaine (or elsewhere) to meet him in Malletta. Upon arrival at the docks, the sights, sounds and smells of the city fill the senses: the screeching of the gulls, the shouts of market hawkers, the bustle of porters and dock workers carrying produce, the smell of spiced meats, fresh fish, and the ripe sewers of the town.

One sight stands out in contrast against the dynamic backdrop of the docks: a small figure sits motionless on a stanchion, gazing out at the ship carrying the characters. As the gangplank is lowered and they disembark, the figure – dressed in bright silks and a beret – stiffly stands and walks towards them. Although he appears to be a human male, there is something uncanny about his overly smooth and mannered movements; he wears thick makeup and will not give a name, introducing himself only as the servant of Parcelus Pike.

Should the characters follow the figure as invited – or, perhaps, refuse and then shadow him through the city streets – they will be shown to a handsome townhouse on a side street less than a half a mile from the docks.

Malletta is small, dense city built on steep, rocky slopes with a defiantly gridded street-plan. Buildings are typically terraced and three or four stories tall, gardens are scarce, and all but the largest thoroughfares are narrow alleys, the better to shelter from the fierce Coradian sun.

Pike’s house boasts ornate carved oak doors, and inside, along a corridor, it opens into an atrium with a fountain (a rare and expensive luxury in water-starved Malletta) and comfortable wicker chairs. Pike is bald, middle aged, and speaks with a stammer that might at first mask the fact that he is a confident man and the peak of his wealth and power. He introduces himself as a collector of antiquities; the characters may conclude that he is some kind of sorcerer. Who is to gainsay them?

Pike offers generous payment for what he acknowledges is risky work: he has in mind three treasures he wishes the gang to “acquire” over the next couple of days. For each one he will offer a silver ingot up front, and two more ingots when the job is complete. Within reason, he is open to negotiation.

The first job: The Feast of the Two Saints

The 24th of Yule-monath is the date of a great feast for the Knights Protector – the feast of the two saints (St Zacharias, the patron saint of the order, and St Stephanos). This is the only moment in the year when St Zacharias’s Cup, the most ancient and holy golden chalice of the order, is removed from their impenetrable vaults. Pike wants the party to obtain the chalice for him; he has made an approximate replica so that they can recognise the treasure in question, but they may also decide to use the replica as part of their attempt to steal the real thing.

In the early evening, the great cloister will be bustling with activity, as the knights roast several oxen (a rare treat in Malletta, where fish is a more common dish) and distribute their bounty to the city populace – at this stage the order’s chalices are displayed on a high balcony above the feast.

The hospital is a grand three-storey building that dominates the square where it stands. The chalice is visible in a brightly lit arched window on the top floor. (An open window, of course – no glass.) The building has a flat roof so it is possible the characters will try to reach it from there. The snag is that the chalice is clearly visible to the couple of hundred revellers in the courtyard below. Also (though this is not obvious from either ground level or the roof) there are two guards at the back of the chamber where the chalice is on display.

or, if you prefer the artistry of Bing:

Later in the evening – about 8pm – the grand banquet inside the hospital begins, for the knights and their most esteemed guests. The most ancient and holy chalice, St Zacharias’s Cup, is brought down to stand on high table in front of Grandmaster Aloysuis, Bishop Benedict and Inquisitor Paln. It will later be passed around high table (24 people) for each to take a sip in honour of St Zacharias, St Stephanos, and the recently-deceased Grandmaster Emeritus, Lucius, who was buried just a couple of days earlier. Since Pike is an influential man, it is possible that one member of the gang can secure an invitation as a guest of honour.

Complication: Three Marijah assassins have slipped into Malletta and plan to assassinate the grandmaster. They may interrupt the feasting, or alternatively may cross paths with members of the gang.

The second job: King’s Mass

Several masses will be held overnight at the cathedral of St Zacharias: the midnight mass or Angel’s mass, the dawn mass or Shepherd’s mass, and the mid-morning mass or Kings’ Mass.

At the King’s Mass, finest Kaikuhuran incense will be burned – it is blessed in a private ceremony in the cathedral vestry, shortly before the mass (sometime between 10am and 10.50am for the 11am mass). The incense may be unguarded at that moment but in any case must be taken after being blessed and before being burned, so there is a limited window for action.

Complication: After the heist last night there will be extra guards. Inquisitor Paln will be at the service and he is a formidable opponent with a number of potent prayers at his disposal.

The third job: The Fragrant Dead

Pike wishes the gang to visit the Necropolis, the vast network of tunnels under the city where the dead of Malletta have for centuries been buried. In one of the most honoured tombs, former grandmaster Lucius was buried three days ago. His body was wrapped in myrrh-infused cotton. Pike wants the cotton wrappings to be removed and brought to him. Broadly, there are two ways into the central Necropolis where the grandmaster is buried: the more direct route is through the cathedral undercrypt, but that may be guarded, especially if the gang have acquired a lot of heat over the previous 24 hours. An alternative is to go by way of tunnels that extend to sea cliffs just outside the city, but that involves more clambering around and there is a risk of getting lost.

The Necropolis is widely thought to be haunted. Pike gives the group a bronze flute and teaches them the three notes which, he assures them, will summon a djinn who will bear them to safety with their prize.

The Necropolis is indeed home to a creeping horror; the party will find that every shadow looms black, that hundreds of eyes reflect every sweep of their lantern or flicker of their torches. If they linger too long their will give into despair or madness – or if the black wisps of the shadow touch them, they will experience days of dehydration or weeks of starvation in a few moments. Severe mental harm (insanity, despondency) or physical harm (heart failure due to starvation) is likely if they cannot find a way out.

Complication: The djinn is, in fact, the strange stiff little servant who first met them at the docks. If the tune on the flute is played, the djinn will step from the shadows and offer to transport them all to safety. In truth, he lacks the power to transport the entire group – instead he will follow the instructions supplied by Parcelus Pike, finding an excuse to hold the myrrh-infused cloth and blinking back to Pike with the spoils. The group may expect this and prevent him by holding firmly onto him – in which case the djinn may be a reluctant but potent ally against the creeping darkness. Even the djinn, however, fears the shadow and may well be overwhelmed. In any case, the party must make their own way out.

Aftermath

If the group make their way back to Pike’s townhouse after the third heist, they will find it derelict – dusty, overgrown and apparently unoccupied for many years. Inside there is a silver balance. On one dish sits their agreed final payment; the other is empty, waiting to receive the myrrh-soaked shroud. If they try to take payment without placing the cloth on the empty dish, their hands will pass through the payment – it is insubstantial and illusory. However, if they fulfil their part of the bargain, the arms of the balance will level off and they can collect their treasure – at which point the balance and the myrrh will fade and disappear.

If the gang has been successful, they will have stolen holy treasures of gold, frankincense and myrrh from the noble order of the Knights Protector. They may wonder what, in fact, Parcelus Pike plans to do with these treasures – and they may be contemplating revenge against him, if they can reach his home city of Ferromaine. They will not be the only ones contemplating revenge, and would do well to avoid the attention of Sir Marco and Inquisitor Paln in future.

Notable characters

• Parcelus Pike, collector of antiquities
• Sir Marco, grizzled veteran and captain of the guards at St Zacharias’s Hospital
• Grandmaster Aloysius of the Protectors – in late middle age, somewhat soft
• Bishop Benedict – from the Cathedral of St Zacharias, a guest of honour at the feast
• Inquisitor Paln – head of Malletta’s inquisition, thin, bony and ruthless. He is a pilgrim who can speak prayers of doleful vengeance; not to be crossed

Pike will avoid direct action, but Marco, Aloysuis, Benedict and Paln will be at both the feast and the King’s Mass the next morning. There is ample opportunity for the characters to get away with one heist but then be recognised later.

* * *

Regular readers will have guessed that the scenario is by Tim Harford, our traditional guest-referee at this time of year. Last December, pressure of work prevented Tim from running his usual pre-Christmas game, so we played this one in January instead. The balmy Mediterranean-style setting, in contrast to Tim's usual backdrop of a freezing Elleslandic winter, helped us to ease back into the seasonal spirit long after the turkey bones had been picked clean.

The game system was Tim's own Forged in Annwn, a variant on Blades in the Dark set in the Dragon Warriors world of Legend. That helped push the action in a heist-narrative direction, but any set of rules would have done as well. Dragon Warriors knaves and assassins will shine, though our party also included a hunter, a barbarian from the hinterlands of Opalar, and a man who claimed to be a knight.

If you want a soundtrack, how about Mare Nostrum (Jordi Savall & Hespèrion XXI) or Musique de la Grece Antique (Gregorio Paniagua) for the scene-setting in the early parts? Or I'd be inclined, seeing as it's Christmas and hence a time for low art, to go with Buddha-Bar. In our game, Tim used Atrium Carceri for the third part in the catacombs, and very creepy it was too.

Tim mentions that Malletta is modelled on Valletta, the capital of Malta. The Knights Protector are of course Legend’s version of the Hospitallers. The island is located in the southern Deorsk Ocean on the main sea routes from the Coradian lands to Outremer. For flavour it's worth looking at Rupert Thomson's novel Secrecy, though that might provide more ideas for Ferromaine than for Malletta.

If you're unfamiliar with Legend, I know of no better summary of what it's all about than this post by Joseph Manola on the Against the Wicked City blog.

Also, Tim's books make excellent Christmas presents for intelligent and enquiring readers. Find them on Amazon US, Amazon UK, or wherever you normally shop.

More deep dives into the future

Google's NotebookLM is my latest toy. I've been having a blast unleashing it on various books of mine, game write-ups, favourite novels, etc, and listening to the podcast discussions it generates. They're not perfect -- a bit repetitive, and sometimes the virtual hosts get the wrong end of the stick, but this is still in experimental mode. Imagine what it will be like in a couple of years. And NotebookLM also has a serious use as a tool for writers. That's my excuse for playing with it, anyway.

Here are a few of its analyses; you'll need a Google account to listen to them.

Can You Brexit (Without Breaking Britain)?

"Can You Brexit is a political thriller that follows a fictional British prime minister as they navigate the complexities of Brexit negotiations. The book explores a variety of potential Brexit outcomes, including a 'hard Brexit' where Britain leaves the European Union and the single market, a 'soft Brexit' where Britain leaves the EU but remains in the single market, and a 'Swiss model' where Britain has a more limited relationship with the EU. The book delves into the internal political pressures the player faces as they attempt to negotiate a Brexit deal that satisfies both their own party and the British public."

Listen to the Deep Dive discussion here.

The Conclave 

"The story follows a group of wizards on a quest to find a prismatic jewel in a labyrinth on the island of Tartuva. They are hunted by a powerful adversary named Pale, who seeks to erase all names in the world. The wizards are aided by various spirits, including Surma, a wizard who is worshipped as a god, and Wax, a shaman who can communicate with the dead. The story highlights the importance of names in the world, and the struggle between those who seek to control them and those who seek to preserve them."

Listen to the Deep Dive discussion (admittedly with a few hallucinations about the plot) here.

Dark Lord: The Early Years

"The story of Dirk Lloyd, a young boy who believes he is the Dark Lord transported to Earth by a magical mishap. While he grapples with his new reality, Dirk tries to adapt to life as a human child, and plots to reclaim his powers. The novel delves into themes of identity, power, friendship and good versus evil, with a darkly humorous tone."

Hear those puny mortal AIs talk about the great Dirk here.

Down Among the Dead Men

"The story follows the player-character as they navigate treacherous seas, battle pirates, face undead monsters and ancient demigods, and ultimately try to rescue Queen Titania from the clutches of the villainous Captain Skarvench."

Listen to the Deep Dive discussion here.

Dragon Warriors

"From the medieval-inspired kingdom of Albion to the exotic Ta’ashim lands, the game portrays a vibrant and diverse world with distinct societal structures, belief systems, and unique inhabitants."

Here are the automaton town criers to tell you all about it.

Florien

"Diana encounters a mysterious and alluring young man called Florien. The novel is characterised by a romantic and supernatural tone, with Florien appearing and disappearing at will, leaving Diana to wonder about his true nature and his relationship to the girl, Janice, who lives in a dark and forbidding manor house. It explores themes of obsession, captivity, and the allure of the dark and dangerous, particularly Diana's attraction to Florien and his mysterious and potentially sinister nature."

See what the Deep Dive hosts made of it here.

The Hammer of the Sun

"The Great River lies barren, its lifeblood drained by an ancient curse. Journey through scorching sands and forgotten ruins, where sphinxes guard lost secrets and skeletal Spartoi wage perpetual war. Explore a vast open world where brooding sphinxes, proud Amazons, and forgotten gods cross your path. Uncover the mysteries of Iskandria, a once-great city now lost to time, and face challenges that will test your courage and cunning. Seek out mythical creatures, confront deadly foes, and collect powerful artifacts as you race against time to restore balance to the land. Will you become a legend, or be forgotten beneath the relentless hammer of the Sun?"

Listen to the Deep Dive discussion here.

Lifeform Three

"The story of Paftoo, an artificial 'bod' in a dystopian future who works at Harkaway Hall, a nature reserve created from the ruins of a lost civilisation. Paftoo has no memory of his past, and his life is a constant cycle of work and night mode, where his mind is wiped clean. The novel explores themes of memory, identity, and the nature of reality as Paftoo tries to piece together fragments of his past and understand the true nature of the world he lives in."

Watch the bods discuss it on YouTube.

A Minotaur at the Savoy

"A series of letters sent to the Royal Mythological Society from individuals across the globe, detailing their encounters with fantastical creatures and events during the Year of Wonders, a period in which the lines between reality and imagination became blurred. The letters are a mixture of the mundane and the extraordinary, with correspondents reporting on everything from mischievous fairies and shape-shifting demons to giant birds carrying people off to ancient palaces. The letters serve as a humorous record of this extraordinary time, offering a glimpse into the impact of fantastical occurrences on everyday life."

Listen to the Deep Dive hosts talk about it here.

Necklace of Skulls

"The adventure involves the player taking on the role of a Mayan character searching for their lost brother in a fantastical mythological realm, encountering various challenges and finally confronting the semi-divine mage Necklace of Skulls, who may or may not be an aspect of the god of death."

Listen to the Deep Dive discussion here.

Richer source material typically inspires the AI to give a more interesting discussion. There's more depth to a novel like Lifeform Three than you'll find in any gamebook, even Heart of Ice. On the other hand, here's a case of our virtual hosts rising to a seemingly impossible challenge and acquitting themselves well.