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Friday, 7 August 2026

Who ate all the spies?

My roleplaying group used to cut loose up to four times a year with seasonal one-shots. It's a tradition that died out in the pandemic never to fully resume, though we still try to fit in a special around Christmas -- almost the only roleplaying I get to do these days.

Fifteen years ago I ran a scenario called “A Long Time Dying”. The idea was based on another Christmas tradition, at least of my childhood Christmases, when there would always be a James Bond movie on TV between Christmas Eve and Boxing Day. I don’t think it’s essential for Christmas movies or Christmas one-shot games to be set at Christmas, although for this scenario I buckled. Cold War stories always benefit from a touch of frost.

The game is set in 1962 and the player-character cast list will give you the general idea:

I thought that would tell my players what to expect, but I’d forgotten that most of them weren’t born until the 1970s, so probably only Smiley meant anything at all. That may explain why the game veered off into a rather Roger Mooreish arched-eyebrow take on Cold War espionage, but – well, these one-shots were never fully serious. I know a lot of people prefer silly games, but for me there's no point in roleplaying unless you're going to take it seriously. Specials like this, though, are just for fun.

I've changed the scenario title to justify a Shirley Bassey theme song. So here's

THE RHYTHM DIVINE

Monday, Dec 17, 1962                    

(Music track: Nunc Dimittis by Arvo Pärt.)

(This is a “pre-title” sequence that is presented to the players without them being present in character. Normally I’d have no truck with such metafictional malarkey, but it’s a one-shot. Come to that, I don’t normally include music tracks in my scenarios either.)

A railway station near Haskovo, southern Bulgaria. It’s the early morning, just before daybreak. Troops from the nearby 4th Fighter-Bomber Air Base wait in the cold. Gritty snow falls, skittering like dust over the icy cold platform.

Then: the sound of a train horn. Lights appear out of the blue pre-dawn dusk. The train pulls into the station. Red Army soldiers jump down and the two commanders salute each other.

A tarpaulin is removed from one of the carriages to reveal a large bomb, about 8m long by 2m wide, with the single word царь painted on the side.

Sergeants shout orders, their voices sounding short-tempered and nervous. A crane is lowered and begins to unload the bomb, which swings wildly to one side, the support frame just missing a row of soldiers who have to throw themselves to the ground.

The crane sweeps across the platform, smacking the bomb into the station wall. The frame buckles and the bomb falls. Absurdly, given the size and nature of the bomb, everyone dives for cover. The bomb strikes the iron-hard ground –

And cracks, with the sound of splintering wood. The Soviet colonel picks himself up, sweeps the snow off his coat, and strides over. In gloved hands he lifts part of the wreckage: painted wood, filled with sand for ballast.

He looks into the east, where the dull glimmer of dawn barely penetrates the heavy shelf of snow clouds, and perhaps imagines the gulag where he will be sent for this.

Music as we fade to black: On Her Majesty’s Secret Service


THE SETTING: 1962

This is the year of the Cuban Missile Crisis. Both the USA and the USSR are aware of the need to safeguard against such incidents in the future, so when a new threat emerges only a couple of months later, the best operatives from both sides of the Iron Curtain are assigned to an international team to track down the diabolical mastermind behind it.

NATO

  • USA                President: John F Kennedy
  • GB                   Prime Minister: Harold Macmillan
  • France:            President: Charles de Gaulle
  • W Germany:   Chancellor: Konrad Adenauer

EASTERN BLOC

  • USSR               First Secretary: Nikita Khrushchev; Chairman of the Presidium: Leonid Brezhnev
  • Rumania:        General Secretary: Gheorghe Gheorghiu-Dej
  • Bulgaria:         General Secretary: Todor Zhivkov

NON-ALIGNED

  • Yugoslavia      Marshal Josip Tito
  • Albania           First Secretary: Enver Hoxha
  • Tunisia            President: Habib Bourguiba

Thursday, Dec 20      

(Music track: The Avengers theme.)                                                      

Whitehall on a grey morning with snow falling outside. Control waits with George Smiley and Colonel Ross. John Steed arrives and the introductions are made. A few minutes later, Harry Palmer looks around the door – “Late as usual, Palmer,” says Ross irritably, waving him to a chair.

Control relates what Smiley has found out from his Bulgarian contacts about the stolen bomb. Control and Smiley have made an approach to the KGB to assist them in looking for the bomb. The Soviets have agreed, but on the condition that their man will head up the joint operation. Steed, Palmer and Smiley are to fly to Berlin, where they will meet up with two more international operatives codenamed “Tailor” and “Thief”.

  • London to Berlin: flight 2 hrs.
  • Paris to Moscow: flight 4hrs; train 36 hours; car 72 hours averaging 60 mph.
  • Berlin to Moscow: flight 3 hrs; train 27 hrs; car 49 hrs averaging 60 mph.

Thursday, Dec 20

(Music: The Man from UNCLE theme.)

It’s mid-afternoon when they reach Berlin. It’s icy cold but not snowing. Their liaison in Berlin is Dr Franz Six, a former Nazi who now works for British Intelligence.

Smiley, Steed and Palmer are to make contact with their colleagues at the Adlon Kempinski Hotel. At reception they are told that “Herr Solo” is in the coffee bar. Smiley goes through and nods to Napoleon Solo just as a man coming in off the street recognizes Smiley, sees that he knows Solo (whom he was coming to meet) and rushes out.

The man is Otto Vessler, an East German spy whom Solo has been reeling in for weeks. In the west he poses as an industrialist, but with his cover blown he’s going to make a dash for the Wall. He grabs a motorcycle and the chase is on…

(Music: The Saint.)

Halfway through the chase, Simon Templar turns up. He’s been tracking Vessler as part of his own private investigation, so may take some convincing to team up with the others.


Their flight leaves Berlin at 5:30, arriving in Moscow at 11:30 pm (ie 3 hours ahead of Berlin time).


Thursday, Dec 20

(Music: Diamonds Are Forever.)

Midnight in Red Square. Snow on the ground, but a crystal clear sky full of stars above the Kremlin – and among those stars the small but growing collection of satellites launched by the superpowers, including Telstar which was put up in the summer.

They are taken to meet Illya Kuryakin, along with an academician called Andrei Sakharov, who explains:

“The bomb is based on the Teller-Ulam design and has a yield of 100 megatons. That’s three thousand times the combined yield of the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombs – or, to put it in terms of conventional explosive, twenty times the total of all explosives used in WW2. The explosion would cause third degree burns at a distance of 100 km, stone buildings would be destroyed up to 55 km. Two such weapons would equal the detonation of Krakatoa.”

Brezhnev comes in. He’s wrapped up in a thick fur coat and there’s a waft of vodka on his breath. “We have a captive spy at the Black Sea facility. He could be useful and it’s on your way, a bit. You’ll have to spring him, though, as SMERSH will never give the nod to releasing him.”

  • Moscow to Odessa: flight 2 hrs; train (HSR) 8 hrs
  • Odessa to The Village: 2 hrs by car
  • Berlin to Moscow: flight 3 hrs; train 27 hrs; car 49 hrs averaging 60 mph.

Incidentally this is the first time Solo and Kuryakin have met each other. U.N.C.L.E. is still a few years in the future, and in fact this adventure paves the way for its formation.

THE VILLAGE                              midday, Dec 21?

(Music: The Prisoner.)

To get Number Six away from the village, they need to get past Rover (the Water Balloon Monster):


Whether Number Six’s real identity is John Drake is up to the player to decide.


THE TRAIN ROUTE

10 hours across Romania

(Music: From Russia With Love)

They set out from Kharkiv in the south-west USSR, via Kirovohrad and Chisinau, into Romania at Iasi and then via Bacau and Brasov.

Just beyond Zarnesti in Romania, the train carrying the bomb entered a mile-long tunnel through the Carpathians. Thereafter it went via Bucharest without stopping, crossed the Bulgarian border at Ruse, and from there via Veliko Tarnovo and Stara Zamora to its destination.

Investigation inside the tunnel at Zarnesti discovers an apparatus built into the tunnel roof. The mechanism has been removed but it was obviously recently excavated and a large piece of machinery was housed here. Caves lead off from the excavated area.

Investigation: Some discarded screws. Engineer roll to conclude they are West German.

Investigation: Part of the apparatus is found – part of a plate scraped off against the rough walls of the cave, stamped with “CHIRO-” (from Chiroptics GmbH).

Investigation by questioning the driver (Engineer Boris Utkin) or officer in charge (Col Yuri Lagunov) reveals that the line was blocked by a fallen tree just after the tunnel, forcing them to stop for about fifteen minutes while it was cleared.

Investigation further along the track after the tunnel reveals a disused branch line that has been recently uncovered – the line towards Yugoslavia, sealed off when the two countries fell out in the 1950s. It leads to Dubrovnik.

Investigation before the tunnel reveals a siding where a train was recently (engine oil on ground). Somebody waited a while (cheroot stubs; Connoiseur roll to identify as 25-cent Marsh Wheeling stogies).

WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED:
Boswell Brontë’s mercenaries (all ex-US special forces, led by a stogie-smoking WW2 commando called Major Dugan) swapped the bomb for their fake, then when the train had gone they brought up their own carriage, loaded the bomb, went on and used to branch line into Yugoslavia, hooked up with a train carrying the circus troupe, and smuggled the bomb out as fireworks bound for Venice.

Investigation of ships out of Dubrovnik into western ports on Dec 18-19: the Suske, carrying the Carobnaci od Vatromet circus troupe, arrived in Venice on Dec 19.

Monday, Dec 24

Venice. A cold wind blows across the lagoon. The local CIA agent is Candy Sweetmeat, a young “swinger” type. She’s eager to please and very nice, so no doubt the bad guys must kill her at some point. (Or try to kill her, if she’s a player-character.)

Boswell Brontë is giving a fireworks display on the Grand Canal on Christmas Eve, which also happens to be the night of the new moon. If the characters attend, they will see Brontë give a rambling speech about how he met his wife “here in Europe” seven years ago tonight. That’s followed by Mrs Brontë lighting a champagne-bottle-styled firework that begins the show.

One part is particularly impressive: the Yugoslav acrobat troupe do a trapeze juggling act over the canal, throwing lit fireworks to each other that are timed to go off in mid-air at the exactly right moment and orientation to create the highlights of the display.

If the characters have been at all indiscreet about their investigations, Miss Hazzard sneaks in while they’re watching the fireworks and plants a bomb in their hotel suite (Observation roll at -5 to spot, character involved only.)

OR

They might sneak into the Brontës’ suite (though in fact they’re going back to the yacht after the show) in which case they may have to deal with Miss Hazzard and an appropriate number of mooks.

EITHER WAY

They get to discover some finely ground glass that seems to have been trodden into the carpet on somebody’s shoes.

Investigation of the glass factory on Murano owned by Chiroptics GmbH discovers glass with microcracks (Observation roll) caused by sonic effects (Physics roll). The sonic equipment itself has been moved out. (This was where Brontë’s scientists worked out the correct array of parabolic reflectors.)

If Brontë needs a rapid departure from the city, either as an outright escape or simply if the referee wants to create a dramatic moment if the characters are closing in with a view to confronting him, he leaves by hydroplane on the Grand Canal.


CRUISE TO TUNIS                      takes 48 hours -> arrive midday Friday 28th

Investigation: if they talk to Boswell, they discover that he is fascinated by Rome’s struggle for supremacy with Carthage, and how he admires Hannibal – who nearly dealt with “those upstarts”.

The Jericho leaves Venice at 9am on Dec 26 and arrives in Tunis midday Dec 28.

Investigation: Brontë International has a facility 50 miles south of Tunis where they are building arches of various sizes using synthetic rock (similar to sandstone).

  • Observation and Physics/Engineer: the arches are curved and would fit together to create a large parabolic surface with a radius of over 50m.

Investigation: the company books show that enough arches were made here to build hundreds of similar parabolas.

  • Physics/Engineer roll at -5: An array of such reflectors would have an effect similar to one enormous reflector hundreds of miles long.
  • Physics roll at -5: The size of the parabolas suggests they are designed to focus or reflect sound of low wavelength.

Investigation: an Accountant looking into Brontë’s business discovers he has a network of shell companies in the finance sector. On a roll at -5 they can see that many of these companies have been shorting US stocks and bonds.

The opening night of the opera is 8pm on Dec 29. The stage is spectacular, being a floating platform hundreds of feet across set in the bay, complete with replica backdrop of ancient Rome.

The opera is attended by Tunisian President Habib Bourguiba, Foreign Minister Mongi Slim, and King Mohammed Idris of Libya. (There is talk of the two countries merging into one, which would signal a rise in the price of oil, but that’s actually a red herring.)

The opera stage is self-propelled and submersible, docking with Boswell’s undersea base (see below) in which the bomb is located. Of course, at the time the bomb detonates (6am on Dec 31) he plans to be safely inland at his villa in Corsica.

THE MASTER PLAN

Boswell plans to detonate the bomb on the sea bed, where an array of parabolic reflectors will direct the resulting pressure wave through the Straits of Gibraltar, and across the Atlantic, where it will create a tsunami that will wreak devastation along the eastern seaboard of the United States. Boswell has heavily shorted US stocks and the dollar, and stands to make billions when Wall Street crashes.

THE UNDERWATER BASE

The “stage” docks with the underwater base where the bomb is located. Brontë plans to detach from the bomb housing, return to the surface, escape by helicopter, scuppering the stage so that it sinks to the sea bed with the characters trapped on board.

The characters will need to break out of the stage, survive the pressure (luckily they’re on the saddle of seabed connecting Tunisia and Sicily, not on the deep bed), get to the bomb base, gain entry, disarm the bomb, and return to the surface.


THE CORSICAN VILLA

Visitors arrive by helicopter. It’s a replica of Nero’s palace in the Bay of Naples.

Monday, 11pm, New Year’s Eve: FINAL JEOPARDY IN MONACO                       

Three of the circus acrobats come to kill whichever of the characters is “man of the match” – so out-of-game it’s kind of a reward. Think of the final jeopardy scenes traditional in 007 movies.

That character is taking a shower while the others are waiting in the casino. He notices a slight ruffling of the shower curtain as the balcony door is opened and closed.


Game notes:

The players were all characters in our long-running Immortal Spartans campaign, although this tongue-in-cheek one-shot was not canonically part of the "real" campaign. That explains the title, "A Long Time Dying", which felicitously both sounds like a Bond title and describes a 2500 year lifespan.

Being Spartans from Thermopylae, all the characters were male even though the players were not. But that fits with the assumptions of high adventure in 1962. If you have players who prefer female characters there are some from the period who you could use, eg Dr Cathy Gale from The Avengers

The scenario originally appeared on my Patreon page; you can join as a free member if strapped for roubles.

The stats are given in GURPS 4e terms because that's what I used originally, but it should be simple enough to adapt the scenario to any system. (Other options: Classified, Cold Shadows, and Mercenaries, Spies & Private Eyes.) I usually don't care for what are now called narrative games (it's good that they encourage improvisation, but I prefer character-playing to storyteller-playing) and the only capers I enjoy are the sort that go on pizzas, but I recently played in a Blades '68 one-shot that was a real hoot and a thorough pleasure, a kind of gaming crossbreed of Spy and Hudson Hawk, and I can't deny that those Forged in the Dark based rules deliver a lot tighter and brisker gaming experience for one-shots. Given that you're only going to be playing these characters the once and they're all daft caricatures of the classic fictional originals, it's barely roleplaying anyway. So why not?

Regarding the music, if you're not a purist then there are some funked-up versions of some of the tracks here.

Finally, if your players attempt to defuse to bomb at the bottom of the Mediterranean, as mine did, here's the track for that.

Wednesday, 5 August 2026

Stray Crows now soaring high

"Japanese folklore is not especially interested in fitting itself into tidy categories. Gods resemble spirits. Spirits become monsters. Animals become people. People become considerably worse things. And an object that exists long enough may well develop awareness, resentment, and maybe a grievance about how often it has been used to boil socks. Some of these tales are terrifying. Some are ridiculous. Quite a few are both at once. There are umbrella monsters, lamp monsters, haunted tools. There are foxes with very, very complicated private lives. There are creatures whose principal supernatural power appears to just be scaring you and running away. Such is Japanese mythology."

And:

"Ninja are not being treated as a separate species of magical black-pajamaed elf -- or anything. There aren't really ninja. There are shinobi, but the legend of the ninja is always useful. Espionage, infiltration, sabotage, disguise, and assassination are things that characters can learn to do regardless. The black trousers are optional, and they don't cause a class transformation."

I love everything Jim Desborough is saying about Stray Crows and I'm backing it to the katana hilt. If a Japanese RPG designed with real love for the subject matter appeals, you'll probably want to jump over to Kickstarter and join me. The game was fully funded within a couple of hours of launch and Jim has written all the books already, so you can be sure that this is one of those Kickstarter campaigns that really will deliver.

Friday, 31 July 2026

Water babies


The kappa of The Eye of the Dragon, which eventually found their way into Dragon Warriors, owe very little apart from their watery habitat to the creatures of Japanese folklore. For one thing they live in the sea, whereas Japanese kappa haunt ponds and streams. Not to mention the unhealthy obsession with mortal posteriors, as in the illustration above where a kappa is looking at an bow trap baited with a corpse whose arse is positioned directly under the arrow tip.

The way it came about was this. I probably first came across kappa (the original variety) either in Richard A Lupoff’s Sword of the Demon or the roleplaying game Bushido. As the setting of The Eye of the Dragon is vaguely Graeco-Egyptian, at least architecturally, and kappa is a Greek letter, some circuit tripped in my brain. That combined with The Tempest’s “of his bones are coral made; those are pearls that were his eyes” and gave us the DW kappa.

For our Tetsubo book (I won’t recap the story here, there are enough old posts about it) Jamie and I naturally had to include to genuine Japanese kappa, supposedly spawned from the ghosts of the Heike after the clan’s destruction at the sea battle of Dan-no-ura.

According to the Morokoshi Kinmō Zui, these creatures resemble a small child or monkey with a back entirely covered in scales, look like a tiger when resting on the sand, and have long claws that they keep hidden in the water. But folk tales, like dreams, are elusive and protean; another description claims the kappa has the body of a tortoise, the limbs of a frog, and the head of a monkey. Just to confuse things even more, the Suiko (a Bugaku theatrical mask) depicts the creature with flat ears, a pointed eagle nose, and a coxcomb covered with tiger's skin.

In the river of Kawachi Mura, a kappa was once caught in the girth of a horse. After being rendered harmless by spilling its fluid, it was forced to sign a bond promising never to attack a man, woman, child, or beast again. Another tale tells of Rokusuke of Keyamura, a retainer of Taiko, a strongman who captured a kappa. In prints he is seen surrounded by a number of these creatures.

Poems by Sugawara no Michizane were held in great esteem in Kyushu as protection against the kappa. Before departing for exile in Kyushu in 901 AD, Michizane cast a final glance at his plum trees and composed the following verses:

Kochi fukaba Niwoi okoseyo Ume no hana Aruji nashi tote Haruna wasurezo.

The sources translate this as:

"When the eastern breeze passes, load her with perfume O blossoms of my plum trees; even though the master is far away, never forget the spring."

According to legend, the poem was so powerful that one of the plum trees uprooted itself and miraculously flew to Chikuzen to be with him. This tree became known as Tobi Ume, or the "jumping plum tree". In exile, Michizane was crossing a river when a kappa seized his horse’s bridle and tried to drag him underwater. Michizane sliced off the creature’s hand. The mummified hand can be viewed to this day at the Kitano Tenmangū Shrine in Kurume, Fukuoka.

That’s all a long preamble to the Tetsubo entry for kappa, which (like the baku and gaki) I have converted to Dragon Warriors rules.

Kappa

Kappa are amphibious goblins that inhabit the rivers, lakes and ponds of the Ikaido islands. Honourable but vicious, they prey on the blood of land-dwelling creatures -- not just mankind, but also cattle and horses. Their favourite sustenance, however, is the blood of human children. They drink this through the rectum, so if a drowned corpse with a distended anus is found this is always blamed (on the whole justifiably) on the kappa. These creatures are ferociously proud of their martial ability. They will sometimes challenge a person to single combat, and if the kappa is bested it will undertake to teach secret skills to its opponent. It is important to be very exact about the terms of a duel, as kappa are sticklers for the letter of an agreement and if they can gain any advantage (such as by insisting the duel take place underwater) they will not hesitate to do so. Kappa are not communal. Always encountered singly, they are the Oriental equivalent of the kelpie of Elleslandic folklore: a genius loci, really a water sprite rather than a simple water-dwelling animal.

Physique: Kappa are spindly beings rather like monkeys, except that they have no fur but instead are covered with silvery-grey or yellow-green scales, like those of a fish. Their hands are webbed and, in some cases at least, a carapace like a tortoise’s shell protects the kappa’s upper body. Kappa have a bowl-shaped depression in the top of their heads. This is used to carry water when the kappa emerges on to dry land, as otherwise it would quickly lose its strength.

Behaviour: Kappa fear fire, which desiccates their bodies. A kappa faced with brandished flame must roll 6 or less on d20 or give ground. Any fire-based attack which strikes a kappa, whether or not it inflicts damage, dries its body; it loses 1 Health Point and suffers a cumulative −1 from ATTACK until it can next immerse itself.

Special Rules: Kappa breathe underwater and are excellent swimmers. Either through sorcery or stealth, they are seldom seen on their excursions to human settlements. Renowned for their fondness for cucumbers, they can be bribed or distracted by an offering of them; the kappa resists the temptation only if it rolls 17 or more on d20.

They are able to survive short forays onto land by means of the hollow on their heads, which holds water to sustain them. If this water is spilled, the kappa quickly becomes too weak even to move. It is possible to trick a kappa into spilling its water simply by bowing: kappa are so polite that they almost invariably bow back. Roll d20 against the kappa’s Intelligence of 6; on a success it realises the danger and keeps its head level as it bows, otherwise the water spills out and the kappa can be caught. (As with most creature vulnerabilities, players should not have their characters make use of this ploy without first checking to see if they know it. Obviously anyone can read it here, but the Tetsubo rulebook is unfortunately not available in Yamato! A character must be versed in Shinto doctrine and make a successful Intelligence check at difficulty factor 13 to remember this weakness and exploit it.)

Kappa invariably know Unarmed Combat, Kawashi, Koppo, Atemi-Waza, Heal Wounds and Surgery (skills defined in the Tetsubo rules), and in most cases they are better at these skills than humans. They are also innate spellcasters, casting without gesture, incantation or ingredient — though their magic, like their strength, fails entirely while the water is spilled from their heads. Each kappa has 3d4 Magic Points and commands the following: Curse, Lesser Healing, Command, Tangleroots, Peer, and Illusion (all as the Sorcerer spells of those names, at the usual Magic Point costs); Wave Mastery (as the Water Elementalist spell; a kappa uses it to part or still the waters of its pool, 2 Magic Points); and five lesser dweomers of its own, each costing 1 Magic Point and lasting until a Spell Expiry Roll: marsh-lights (a drift of pale flames that wander where the kappa wills, luring or misleading travellers by night), the zone of cold (a clammy chill within 10m of the kappa, numbing fingers: −1 from ATTACK for all within), the zone of silence (no sound carries within 10m of the kappa), the reek (a concealing fog rises over water within 50m) and dousing (every open flame within 15m gutters out).

As Tetsubo is not going to be out before next year, anyone looking for a good RPG of the Sengoku and early Edo period is advised to check out Stray Crows from Portmortem Studios. The Kickstarter is launching soon and there's a free preview on DriveThruRPG.

Thursday, 30 July 2026

The wrong side of the river

That right there is why I couldn't be doing with The Lord of the Rings. I grew up in England's stockbroker belt, and far too many of our neighbours were smugly insular like those hobbits -- gossip-loving, distrustful of outsiders, and appalled by people who didn't live the way they did. The hobbits of the Shire would all have voted Tory -- or probably Fascist if they got the chance. I didn't mind if Sauron did invade and shake up their lives.

It's what Andy Serkis was trying to say in the recent interview that has caused such an uproar in Guardian-reading circles: "The Shire feels very, very much like a very, a very white, you know..." Mr Serkis mumbled, probably sensing the Damoclean threat of cancellation above his head. "They’re not very concerned about what goes on beyond the borders of the Shire, but they know they don’t want people coming in."

And he's right. That casual xenophobia is what I disliked about the damned hobbits, but it is at the heart of Tolkien's story. If the Shire and every other region of Middle-Earth featured the same multi-ethnic mix as 21st century California then it would be a very different place (quite likely better) and you'd have a different story (quite likely more boring) to tell.

Ten years back, Jamie and I had a TV show that we were developing for the BBC when a partner absconded with all the BBC development money, scuttling our production partnership with Andy Serkis's company. (Small world; Mr Serkis's involvement was just a coincidence.) We needed to come up with a new show in a hurry, and Young Asgard was born. Wanting to give decent opportunities to today's actors, we had a different ethnicity for each realm: Asgard, Jotunheim, Alfheim, and so on. What we didn't do was make every realm the same racial mix, because that would suggest a universe without borders, and therefore free of fixed cultural attitudes and the perpetual knife-edge of conflict.

Personally I want to live in the 23rd century of Gene Roddenberry, not the 21st century of people like Victor Orbán. And I guarantee you Andy Serkis feels the same way. He didn't present us with an ethnically homogenous Shire because he's a nasty old racist. He did it because that's true to the story, and he didn't want to infantilize his movie just to pander to America's pathological issues regarding race. (Though he needn't have made the hobbits white; they could just as well all have been Hausa, or Han, or Inuit, or Tuareg, or Tamil.)

I won't be going to see the movie because I don't give a fig for Gollum or any of those narrow-minded hobbits. But movie-goers aren't interested in seeing Roddenberry's utopian, colour-blind vision of society any more, so I guess we're stuck with endless Tolkien spin-offs.

Friday, 24 July 2026

The Odyssey


Around the start of the millennium, Leo Hartas and I pitched a series of educational books to Dorling Kindersley, a British publisher. The idea was to package the books with a CD (that was the format that games came in back then). Parents would think, "Ooh, this book comes with a computer game." The kids would play the game and treat the book as a manual with useful hints. The point of it was that people learn best by doing something, getting hands-on, not by sitting down with a book and just reading about it.

It was not to be. (Find out why here. It's a microcosm of why Britain keeps losing out in innovation and influence.) But one of the projects we worked up for the series was The Odyssey and, that poem being back in the bestseller lists for some reason, this seems like a good time to show you what might have been.

IMMERSIVE WORLDS #1: THE ODYSSEY

The Adventure

You start as the Greek adventurer Odysseus, thrown into perilous quests and looked down on from the heavens by wrathful gods . You will find yourself faced with the reality of terrible mythical monsters brought to life. You will be faced with navigating the treacherous waters of the Gulf of Charybdis, resisting the Sirens’ call and toppling the mighty Cyclops? Will you emerge victorious to become a hero of legend?

Odyssey is part role playing game and part survival adventure. You lead a hand picked band of adventurers on a series of quests set by the gods or found amongst the eerie inlets and abandoned temples of a hundred Aegean islands. You will have to assess the skills of your comrades, choosing the right man for different tasks, and decide on equipment and strategy.

The Game

As Odysseus, you are faced with the day-to-day decisions of a sea captain of ancient Greece. You decide where to sail your galley, surviving natural hazards, avoiding sea monsters, and battling pirates. When you make landfall you can send ahead scouts who report back with visual images of their sightings. You equip and prepare a shore party, carefully picking the skills the situation requires from exploration, survival, combat, stealth, communication, combat and prophecy.

At the heart of the game are the richly detailed and eternally popular stories of the Greek myths, brought to life for a modern audience. Where previous generations have only read about these times, now it’s possible to experience them in a virtual recreation of the past that will enthral, involve and educate.

Game book, book game.

Immersive play brings a completely new concept to learning.

The game transports you to ancient Greece as though travelling back in time, and the book is the guide you would take with you on such a trip. You will learn about history, metallurgy, archaeology, mineralogy, military tactics, music, geology, geography, languages, literature, mythology, nature, society, religion, sports, seafaring, meteorology and survival skills.

However, this is not mere theoretical knowledge. Thanks to the virtual world you are exploring, these are things you will need to know. You will use everything you have learned in the book to find success in your adventures. Read how you can use the stars to navigate or how an alloy works to create stronger metals, then see the effects when you apply your knowledge in the game. No other entertainment title uses the fun, thrills and challenges of game play to stimulate learning in such an innovative way.

Immersive - Put the facts into action.

Design

Visuals for the book will be taken from the game, allowing seamless integration between the two. Current game technology can deliver lavish, rich and detailed imagery including 3D maps, aerial views of the major city-states, cutaways of buildings, ships, etc. and beautiful images of the characters. Because everything will be modelled in 3D we will have complete flexibility to choose the best angles, poses and views for the book.

The text of Homer’s Odyssey will run as a narrative thread throughout the book written in a fresh modern style. This is “the past in the present tense” as we see what it is like to really live in the eastern Mediterranean in 1190 BC. The world is presented just as it would have seemed to a Greek of Homer’s day looking back on those times.

Other information will appear in boxouts or as annotations to illustrations, maps and diagrams. Information will be described wherever possible in terms relevant to the game. For example, a cutaway of a galley would be annotated with its sailing speed in different weathers, its ramming speed, armour rating, cargo capacity, durability and operational range. Seeing these stats at work in the game will give the reader a real sense of the comparative strengths and weaknesses of different units, characters and even economic and political systems.

The Oracle

An example of how the book and the game work together.

In the game the player can consult the Oracle, which in simplistic terms supplies game hints. The Oracle creates short stories that prophesize events so that you, Odysseus, can plan accordingly. You can use it without reading the book but will learn the hard way that what it says is ambiguous. However, once you read about it in the book you will understand how to correctly interpret its information and make good use of its predictions. Along the way you will have learned about the importance of prophecy in ancient Greece and how information can be interpreted in many different ways.

CONTENTS

Coming to Life

Getting started

Step into the sandals of your alter ego, Odysseus, and pick your crew from the colourful mix of 12th century BC Mediterranean seafarers standing before you on the dockside.

Gear

Learn about ancient forging, metalworking and blade sharpening at the armourer so you can pick the best weapons and armour .

Skills

How different skills can be used and combined for different tasks.

Combat

On the beach near Troy, before setting out for Ithaka, you can practice the martial arts of spear, swordplay, wrestling, and pankration.

Deities

Choose your god. An Achaean hero’s relationship with the gods is all important affecting the whole course of your life. Odysseus begins with Athena as a friend and Poseidon as an enemy.

Crew

How to carefully select a dependable, loyal crew with the right mix of skills to accompany you on your adventures.

The Achaean World

Map reading and navigation

See Mycenaean Greece through the eyes of Homer long before the classical ideas of philosophy and democracy. Find out how to use the unreliable fragments of stories and myth to build a map of Ancient Greece.

Narrative thread: Episodes taken from The Iliad.

The Achaeans

The known cities of Achaean (or Mycenaean) Greece.

Culture & history

How to navigate the, clans, customs and traditions of a typical city-state.

Exploration

Find out how you can profit from your adventures by exploration and trade.

Diplomacy

How to use diplomacy to manipulate relationships between kings and ultimately, entire states.

The prince of Ithaka

Odysseus himself – your persona in the game and the one through whose eyes you will explore the Achaean world. 3D cutaway of an Achaean royal palace.


“Troy Once Was”

The background to The Odyssey, the game world.

The Achaean states united to topple the magnificent civilization of Troy, a tale of both the grandeur and the horrors of war.

Narrative thread: Further excerpts from the later books of The Iliad.

The topless towers of Ilium

Troy, real and imagined. 3D models show Troy as it may really have been, and as it is in the game through the filter of Homer’s imagination.

How the war started

Investigate the origins of the war and the abduction of Helen of Sparta.

Army life

Experience the food and living conditions of the typical Greek infantryman. Who these people were (aristocrats and gentry, not lower classes).

The battlefield

Military theory as it is currently applied in the 12th century BC. Find out in the game how to use chariots, battle formations and the early Greek phalanx.

The siege

Inside Troy as the war goes on.

The fury of Achilles

The greatest sulk of all time. The feud between Achilles and Agamemnon brings tragedy to the Achaean forces.

Funeral rites

Understanding the Achaean obsession with honour, even in death.

Fall of a civilization

The sacking of Troy.

The aftermath

The once-glorious endeavour dissolves into bickering, vengeance and jealousy among the Greek heroes.

The adventure begins

You, Odysseus, set sail. You are destined not to return home for many years.

Gods & Heroes

Playing with superpowers

Old stories, recounted over generations in the form of epic songs, have transformed historical war-leaders into semi-divine heroes. To the Achaeans these legends aren’t fiction, they’re the way things really happened.

Narrative thread: Odysseus and his men arrive on Calypso’s island.

Mount Olympus

Visit the home of the gods. How they can interfere with your life and how you can manipulate their power

The family of the gods

Learning about Zeus and the other Olympians. Their strengths and weakness and how their unashamed behaviour sets the standard for Greek kings.

What lies beneath

The underworld. The chthonians, or Earth-deities (Hades, Hecate, the Furies), are vestiges of an earlier, animistic religion.

Heroic ancestors

Glorious traditions of Jason, Perseus, Theseus and others. A sketch of their adventures gives hints of what to expect in the game.

Challenges to single combat

Codes of behaviour that regulate the morality of the battlefield. No hero can afford to lose face by refusing a challenge from someone of equal status. Handling challenges in the game.

Consulting the Oracle

Prophecy and its importance in the Achaean world-view. Using the Oracle in the game to find clues about your future.

Rituals of worship

Sacrifices, priests and prayers. How Achaeans worshipped the gods and how you can gain favour with an individual God. Accompanying 3D cutaways of a temple of Apollo.

The Twelve Tasks of Heracles

The archetypal adventure hero. Tips for approaching your own tasks.

Patron deities

Many heroes have divine patrons (Odysseus’s is Athena) but being watched over by a god is often a mixed blessing.

Wrath of the gods

Greek gods are given to sulks, rages and petty jealousies that would be outrageous for a two-year-old. Getting on the wrong side of a god can launch you into a series of incredible adventures – if you survive.

Mystery cults

Special adventures infiltrating mystery cults. Secret ceremonies form a bond between cultists that can drive them into a state of ecstasy – witness the Bacchantes tearing Orpheus limb from limb.

“Across the Wine-Dark Sea”

Adventure on the open sea

Greece is a land united by the sea. Three thousand years before James T Kirk, Odysseus was part of a great tradition of “seeking out new worlds and new civilizations”.

Narrative thread: King Aeolus and the bag containing the world’s winds.

Seafaring

Navigation is primitive at this time, making it risky to lose sight of land. (Although, with Poseidon as an enemy, you may not get a choice.) Speeds and effective ranges under sail and oar.

Ship types

Statistics of small sailing ships, galleys and penteconters, illustrated with in-game 3D models.

Naval combat

Use of bows, javelins, fire-pots, ramming and boarding.

The sailing season

Sea captains almost never put to sea in winter – unless brave or foolhardy. What weather you can expect; how to read and use the prevailing winds, tides and currents.

Life on board

Food and living conditions on board a typical Homeric galley.

Ports of call

Protocols for arrival in a new port, acquiring supplies, etc.

Shipbuilding and repairs

Maintenance of your vessel is paramount if you hope to make the long journey back home to Ithaka.

The City State

Small kingdoms are unified around a patron god and a small urban centre (the polis) which is home to the aristocracy and gentry of Achaean civilization. Familiar names in Odysseus’ world include Thebes, Sparta and Athens.

Narrative thread: The assembly on Ithaka, the suitors ambush Telemachus.

City layout

The principal zones of a “typical” city-state, using a full 3D map of Athens as a basis. City based adventures and quests.

Government

The royal family and the aristocratic assembly. Sidebars detail how this evolved into the Athenian model of citizenship and democracy.

Social classes

Status from slave through to nobleman – and how the true picture is never that simple (some slaves being more influential than some freeborn men). Explaining character levels in the game.

The family

Tribe, clan and family. 3D illustrations look inside an Achaean townhouse.

Daily life

The economy, markets, pastimes, early drama. Using shops you buy weapons and resupply your ship.

Architecture

Assembly halls and other city buildings, both as they may really have been and as Homer’s audience visualized them.

Law

The laws of the Achaeans overlap with religion, creating a complex web of “right” behaviour that as a cunning hero like Odysseus you can twist to your advantage.

Crime & punishment

Judgement by peers, by royal decree, by ordeal and by contest. Punishments, both mortal and divine. Exile and blood-price.

The Panoply of War

Strategy and tactics

A hero’s most prized possessions are his arms and armour. Treasured items have been handed down from ancient ancestors and are thought to carry the favour of the gods.

Narrative thread: Imprisoned by the Cyclops.

Weapon technology

Iron weapons are rare (only the Hittites at this time can work iron) and regarded as magical. Tables compare the toughness of different weapon types.

Melee weapons

The shortsword, sword and spear. Also the unarmed combat skills or pankration (= “all-powers”).

Ranged weapons

The sling, bow, javelin and discus.

Shipboard weapons

Naphtha sprays, ballistae and rams.

Armour

Different types of armour and shield, comparing weights and effectiveness.

Equipment costs and fabrication.

Contest of Champions

Competition and prizes

The Ancient Greeks love festivals and contests, and these two pursuits come together in the Games. The Games are an opportunity to let off steam, to honour the gods, and at the same time gain glory and wealth.

Narrative thread: Odysseus is a guest at the games of the Phaiakians.

Greek festivals

Each of the great city-states has its annual Games, part-competition and part-religious ceremony.

Sports

The athletic ideals of the Ancient Greeks have their basis in warfare. As a war hero, you, Odysseus, are expected to excel. In The Odyssey Book VIII: Euryalos says, “You do not strike me as an athlete” – a challenge which angers Odysseus and stings him into action.

Wagers & prizes

How to wager treasure on the outcome and still come out on top.

Winning glory & status

Flashback to Book XXIII of The Iliad as an illustration of how the Games became contests for wealth and power.

Other Lands, Other Peoples

Exploration in the ancient world.

The Ancients Greeks discovered several other lands populated by new cultures strange to them. Some became allies and trading partners, others became enemies.

Narrative thread: Odysseus’ experiences among the Lotus-Eaters and the Laistrygonians.

The etiquette of strangers

Hospitality is governed by elaborate rules, including guest-gifts and safe conduct, and the gods punish those who fail to obey.

Commerce

How trade is handled in a barter economy and using it to survive in alien cultures.

Sung with the voices of gods

Honour and glory are the real coinage of the day. Bards, inspired by the spirit of gods, publicize the reputation of their patrons. The game records your adventures and sets them down in stories you can print out and keep.

Diplomacy

Rules governing the delicate balance between the promise of alliance and the threat of war. Ambassadors (proxenoi) are not sent out, but are natives of the city-state in which they live who have family and business ties to the state whose interests they represent.

Plunder & the spoils of victory

How booty should be divided to repay the loyalty of your crew – and how royal prerogative will sometimes allow you to get around that.

Stealth & trickery

An overview of the career of Odysseus, “the man of many wiles”, provides the player with a master class in cunning.

Amazons & warrior women

The role of women in the society of Achaean aristocratic warriors.

Beyond the Hellenic world

Sequel adventures amongst the Egyptians, Thracians, Hittites, Babylonians and the Kingdom of Solomon.

In the Wilderness

Survival

Beyond the outlying fields of the city-states, the countryside is seen as a primordial, dangerous place.

Narrative thread: Odysseus passes Skylla, is becalmed, then shipwrecked.

Wildlife

To survive in open country you need to know about plants and animals.

Weather effects

The game engine evokes a believable world by simulating details of the environment. Rain spatters in puddles and corrodes your armour; cold shows in billows of breath and blue, pinched skin; sun will give you a tan.

Natural hazards

Earthquakes, plague, sandstorms, floods and lava flows can all impede the adventurer’s progress. This is the Bronze Age equivalent of outdoor survival tips.

Travellers

Universal rules of communication. How to talk to the barbarians of the hinterland.

Ruins

The remnants of older civilizations are shunned and thought to be the home of ghosts. You’ll visit the ivy-grown labyrinth of Knossos, Santorini’s mossy wreck, and the rubble that is all that’s left of Troy.

The Forests of the Night

Adventures at the edge of terror.

Greek mythology is filled with stories of witches, monsters and strange beasts.

Narrative thread: The voyage to the land of the dead.

Creation myths

The Titans and the birth of Zeus.

The underworld

Chthonic gods predate the Hellenic pantheon and were probably worshipped by the original inhabitants of the region before the arrival of the Achaean aristocratic class.

Into the labyrinth

The story of Theseus and the Minotaur, with both in-game 3D screenshots and modern archaeological images of Knossos.

Darwin’s worst nightmare

The whole menagerie of lesser Greek myths, including Stymphalian birds, Diomedean horses, the Nemean lion, harpies, hydras and chimeras and tips on how to defeat them.

The eyes that fossilize

Perseus and Medusa.

Omens and divination

Omens are all around. Lightning, clouds, wind, comets and flocks of birds are all interpreted as the gods giving us clues as to what is to come.

The first stirrings of philosophy

The early myths reflected the Greek obsession with making sense of the world, applying names to the constellations and beginning to query the forces behind natural processes.

The End of All Exploring

At last Poseidon tires of trying to break Odysseus’s spirit and allows him to reach home. Athena visits him in a dream and tells him to disguise himself as a beggar. He gets inside the palace, kills his wife’s suitors, and reclaims his throne.

Epilogue: What the future will remember of these times

A final cut scene in the underworld shows the slain heroes of Troy learning of Odysseus’s exploits from Amphimedon and the other ghosts of Penelope’s suitors, whom Odysseus has killed:

As when bats in the depths of a vast cave flitter and gibber,
When one of them has fallen from his place on the ceiling,
So they went gibbering with Hermes leading them.
Along mouldering pathways they descended,
Past the gates of the Sun and the country of dreams,
And presently arrived in the meadow of asphodel
That is the dwelling place of the dead.
There they met the soul of Achilles, son of Peleus,
And the souls of all the Danaans, with Agamemnon sorrowing.
And first of these to speak was the soul of Agamemnon:
Amphimedon, what befell you, that you come under the dark earth?”

In game: we fade from the story into a fast succession of images of relics from that era as we know them today, in the 21st century. The foundations of a Mycenaean palace, corroded fragments of armour, a reconstructed chariot, bits of pottery showing epic scenes. That was the life of Odysseus that we have just lived, but with the colouring of myth stripped away.

We look towards the peak of Mount Olympus. As the sun rises behind the summit, a blaze of dazzling light washes all the images away. It is the light of the imagination that has inspired poets, artists and scientists since Greek times. And slowly it all fades away.