"The Malletta Caper" (a Yuletide adventure set in Legend)

For the players

You are a charismatic gang of rogues, notorious all around the Coradian sea for your daring exploits – or so you like to tell yourselves. You’ve been hired by a representative of a certain Parcelus Pike, a merchant and collector of strange antiquities, usually based in the great city of Ferromaine.

Pike, however, has arranged to meet you at the small island of Malletta, long the regional base of the order of the Knights Protector. Malletta has been a vital defensive outpost against the incursions of corsairs and the occasional Ta’ashim expeditionary force. It is heavily fortified, boasts a grand cathedral and what is thought to be the world’s largest hospital – but the dusty city of Malletta has also seen more prosperous days. It is an unusual place to be deploying your distinctive gifts, but Pike has a reputation for paying well.

The Knights Protector

To give them their full name, the Order of Knights of the Sanctuary of St Zachariah. They began as a monastic order devoted to the shelter of the sick, poor and injured, then acquiring a more active role escorting and defending pilgrims to holy sites. They administer the island of Malletta as a vassal state of Algandy. The official language of the island is Bacchile, though around the docks you’ll more commonly hear lingua Coradia. The flag of the order is a white triangle on a red field, said to represent the opening of a tent, and the knights’ tabards follow the same design.

Meeting Parcelus Pike

Pike has paid for the characters to travel by ship from Ferromaine (or elsewhere) to meet him in Malletta. Upon arrival at the docks, the sights, sounds and smells of the city fill the senses: the screeching of the gulls, the shouts of market hawkers, the bustle of porters and dock workers carrying produce, the smell of spiced meats, fresh fish, and the ripe sewers of the town.

One sight stands out in contrast against the dynamic backdrop of the docks: a small figure sits motionless on a stanchion, gazing out at the ship carrying the characters. As the gangplank is lowered and they disembark, the figure – dressed in bright silks and a beret – stiffly stands and walks towards them. Although he appears to be a human male, there is something uncanny about his overly smooth and mannered movements; he wears thick makeup and will not give a name, introducing himself only as the servant of Parcelus Pike.

Should the characters follow the figure as invited – or, perhaps, refuse and then shadow him through the city streets – they will be shown to a handsome townhouse on a side street less than a half a mile from the docks.

Malletta is small, dense city built on steep, rocky slopes with a defiantly gridded street-plan. Buildings are typically terraced and three or four stories tall, gardens are scarce, and all but the largest thoroughfares are narrow alleys, the better to shelter from the fierce Coradian sun.

Pike’s house boasts ornate carved oak doors, and inside, along a corridor, it opens into an atrium with a fountain (a rare and expensive luxury in water-starved Malletta) and comfortable wicker chairs. Pike is bald, middle aged, and speaks with a stammer that might at first mask the fact that he is a confident man and the peak of his wealth and power. He introduces himself as a collector of antiquities; the characters may conclude that he is some kind of sorcerer. Who is to gainsay them?

Pike offers generous payment for what he acknowledges is risky work: he has in mind three treasures he wishes the gang to “acquire” over the next couple of days. For each one he will offer a silver ingot up front, and two more ingots when the job is complete. Within reason, he is open to negotiation.

The first job: The Feast of the Two Saints

The 24th of Yule-monath is the date of a great feast for the Knights Protector – the feast of the two saints (St Zacharias, the patron saint of the order, and St Stephanos). This is the only moment in the year when St Zacharias’s Cup, the most ancient and holy golden chalice of the order, is removed from their impenetrable vaults. Pike wants the party to obtain the chalice for him; he has made an approximate replica so that they can recognise the treasure in question, but they may also decide to use the replica as part of their attempt to steal the real thing.

In the early evening, the great cloister will be bustling with activity, as the knights roast several oxen (a rare treat in Malletta, where fish is a more common dish) and distribute their bounty to the city populace – at this stage the order’s chalices are displayed on a high balcony above the feast.

The hospital is a grand three-storey building that dominates the square where it stands. The chalice is visible in a brightly lit arched window on the top floor. (An open window, of course – no glass.) The building has a flat roof so it is possible the characters will try to reach it from there. The snag is that the chalice is clearly visible to the couple of hundred revellers in the courtyard below. Also (though this is not obvious from either ground level or the roof) there are two guards at the back of the chamber where the chalice is on display.

or, if you prefer the artistry of Bing:

Later in the evening – about 8pm – the grand banquet inside the hospital begins, for the knights and their most esteemed guests. The most ancient and holy chalice, St Zacharias’s Cup, is brought down to stand on high table in front of Grandmaster Aloysuis, Bishop Benedict and Inquisitor Paln. It will later be passed around high table (24 people) for each to take a sip in honour of St Zacharias, St Stephanos, and the recently-deceased Grandmaster Emeritus, Lucius, who was buried just a couple of days earlier. Since Pike is an influential man, it is possible that one member of the gang can secure an invitation as a guest of honour.

Complication: Three Marijah assassins have slipped into Malletta and plan to assassinate the grandmaster. They may interrupt the feasting, or alternatively may cross paths with members of the gang.

The second job: King’s Mass

Several masses will be held overnight at the cathedral of St Zacharias: the midnight mass or Angel’s mass, the dawn mass or Shepherd’s mass, and the mid-morning mass or Kings’ Mass.

At the King’s Mass, finest Kaikuhuran incense will be burned – it is blessed in a private ceremony in the cathedral vestry, shortly before the mass (sometime between 10am and 10.50am for the 11am mass). The incense may be unguarded at that moment but in any case must be taken after being blessed and before being burned, so there is a limited window for action.

Complication: After the heist last night there will be extra guards. Inquisitor Paln will be at the service and he is a formidable opponent with a number of potent prayers at his disposal.

The third job: The Fragrant Dead

Pike wishes the gang to visit the Necropolis, the vast network of tunnels under the city where the dead of Malletta have for centuries been buried. In one of the most honoured tombs, former grandmaster Lucius was buried three days ago. His body was wrapped in myrrh-infused cotton. Pike wants the cotton wrappings to be removed and brought to him. Broadly, there are two ways into the central Necropolis where the grandmaster is buried: the more direct route is through the cathedral undercrypt, but that may be guarded, especially if the gang have acquired a lot of heat over the previous 24 hours. An alternative is to go by way of tunnels that extend to sea cliffs just outside the city, but that involves more clambering around and there is a risk of getting lost.

The Necropolis is widely thought to be haunted. Pike gives the group a bronze flute and teaches them the three notes which, he assures them, will summon a djinn who will bear them to safety with their prize.

The Necropolis is indeed home to a creeping horror; the party will find that every shadow looms black, that hundreds of eyes reflect every sweep of their lantern or flicker of their torches. If they linger too long their will give into despair or madness – or if the black wisps of the shadow touch them, they will experience days of dehydration or weeks of starvation in a few moments. Severe mental harm (insanity, despondency) or physical harm (heart failure due to starvation) is likely if they cannot find a way out.

Complication: The djinn is, in fact, the strange stiff little servant who first met them at the docks. If the tune on the flute is played, the djinn will step from the shadows and offer to transport them all to safety. In truth, he lacks the power to transport the entire group – instead he will follow the instructions supplied by Parcelus Pike, finding an excuse to hold the myrrh-infused cloth and blinking back to Pike with the spoils. The group may expect this and prevent him by holding firmly onto him – in which case the djinn may be a reluctant but potent ally against the creeping darkness. Even the djinn, however, fears the shadow and may well be overwhelmed. In any case, the party must make their own way out.

Aftermath

If the group make their way back to Pike’s townhouse after the third heist, they will find it derelict – dusty, overgrown and apparently unoccupied for many years. Inside there is a silver balance. On one dish sits their agreed final payment; the other is empty, waiting to receive the myrrh-soaked shroud. If they try to take payment without placing the cloth on the empty dish, their hands will pass through the payment – it is insubstantial and illusory. However, if they fulfil their part of the bargain, the arms of the balance will level off and they can collect their treasure – at which point the balance and the myrrh will fade and disappear.

If the gang has been successful, they will have stolen holy treasures of gold, frankincense and myrrh from the noble order of the Knights Protector. They may wonder what, in fact, Parcelus Pike plans to do with these treasures – and they may be contemplating revenge against him, if they can reach his home city of Ferromaine. They will not be the only ones contemplating revenge, and would do well to avoid the attention of Sir Marco and Inquisitor Paln in future.

Notable characters

• Parcelus Pike, collector of antiquities
• Sir Marco, grizzled veteran and captain of the guards at St Zacharias’s Hospital
• Grandmaster Aloysius of the Protectors – in late middle age, somewhat soft
• Bishop Benedict – from the Cathedral of St Zacharias, a guest of honour at the feast
• Inquisitor Paln – head of Malletta’s inquisition, thin, bony and ruthless. He is a pilgrim who can speak prayers of doleful vengeance; not to be crossed

Pike will avoid direct action, but Marco, Aloysuis, Benedict and Paln will be at both the feast and the King’s Mass the next morning. There is ample opportunity for the characters to get away with one heist but then be recognised later.

* * *

Regular readers will have guessed that the scenario is by Tim Harford, our traditional guest-referee at this time of year. Last December, pressure of work prevented Tim from running his usual pre-Christmas game, so we played this one in January instead. The balmy Mediterranean-style setting, in contrast to Tim's usual backdrop of a freezing Elleslandic winter, helped us to ease back into the seasonal spirit long after the turkey bones had been picked clean.

The game system was Tim's own Forged in Annwn, a variant on Blades in the Dark set in the Dragon Warriors world of Legend. That helped push the action in a heist-narrative direction, but any set of rules would have done as well. Dragon Warriors knaves and assassins will shine, though our party also included a hunter, a barbarian from the hinterlands of Opalar, and a man who claimed to be a knight.

If you want a soundtrack, how about Mare Nostrum (Jordi Savall & Hespèrion XXI) or Musique de la Grece Antique (Gregorio Paniagua) for the scene-setting in the early parts? Or I'd be inclined, seeing as it's Christmas and hence a time for low art, to go with Buddha-Bar. In our game, Tim used Atrium Carceri for the third part in the catacombs, and very creepy it was too.

Tim mentions that Malletta is modelled on Valletta, the capital of Malta. The Knights Protector are of course Legend’s version of the Hospitallers. The island is located in the southern Deorsk Ocean on the main sea routes from the Coradian lands to Outremer. For flavour it's worth looking at Rupert Thomson's novel Secrecy, though that might provide more ideas for Ferromaine than for Malletta.

If you're unfamiliar with Legend, I know of no better summary of what it's all about than this post by Joseph Manola on the Against the Wicked City blog.

Also, Tim's books make excellent Christmas presents for intelligent and enquiring readers. Find them on Amazon US, Amazon UK, or wherever you normally shop.

More deep dives into the future

Google's NotebookLM is my latest toy. I've been having a blast unleashing it on various books of mine, game write-ups, favourite novels, etc, and listening to the podcast discussions it generates. They're not perfect -- a bit repetitive, and sometimes the virtual hosts get the wrong end of the stick, but this is still in experimental mode. Imagine what it will be like in a couple of years. And NotebookLM also has a serious use as a tool for writers. That's my excuse for playing with it, anyway.

Here are a few of its analyses; you'll need a Google account to listen to them.

Can You Brexit (Without Breaking Britain)?

"Can You Brexit is a political thriller that follows a fictional British prime minister as they navigate the complexities of Brexit negotiations. The book explores a variety of potential Brexit outcomes, including a 'hard Brexit' where Britain leaves the European Union and the single market, a 'soft Brexit' where Britain leaves the EU but remains in the single market, and a 'Swiss model' where Britain has a more limited relationship with the EU. The book delves into the internal political pressures the player faces as they attempt to negotiate a Brexit deal that satisfies both their own party and the British public."

Listen to the Deep Dive discussion here.

The Conclave 

"The story follows a group of wizards on a quest to find a prismatic jewel in a labyrinth on the island of Tartuva. They are hunted by a powerful adversary named Pale, who seeks to erase all names in the world. The wizards are aided by various spirits, including Surma, a wizard who is worshipped as a god, and Wax, a shaman who can communicate with the dead. The story highlights the importance of names in the world, and the struggle between those who seek to control them and those who seek to preserve them."

Listen to the Deep Dive discussion (admittedly with a few hallucinations about the plot) here.

Dark Lord: The Early Years

"The story of Dirk Lloyd, a young boy who believes he is the Dark Lord transported to Earth by a magical mishap. While he grapples with his new reality, Dirk tries to adapt to life as a human child, and plots to reclaim his powers. The novel delves into themes of identity, power, friendship and good versus evil, with a darkly humorous tone."

Hear those puny mortal AIs talk about the great Dirk here.

Down Among the Dead Men

"The story follows the player-character as they navigate treacherous seas, battle pirates, face undead monsters and ancient demigods, and ultimately try to rescue Queen Titania from the clutches of the villainous Captain Skarvench."

Listen to the Deep Dive discussion here.

Dragon Warriors

"From the medieval-inspired kingdom of Albion to the exotic Ta’ashim lands, the game portrays a vibrant and diverse world with distinct societal structures, belief systems, and unique inhabitants."

Here are the automaton town criers to tell you all about it.

Florien

"Diana encounters a mysterious and alluring young man called Florien. The novel is characterised by a romantic and supernatural tone, with Florien appearing and disappearing at will, leaving Diana to wonder about his true nature and his relationship to the girl, Janice, who lives in a dark and forbidding manor house. It explores themes of obsession, captivity, and the allure of the dark and dangerous, particularly Diana's attraction to Florien and his mysterious and potentially sinister nature."

See what the Deep Dive hosts made of it here.

The Hammer of the Sun

"The Great River lies barren, its lifeblood drained by an ancient curse. Journey through scorching sands and forgotten ruins, where sphinxes guard lost secrets and skeletal Spartoi wage perpetual war. Explore a vast open world where brooding sphinxes, proud Amazons, and forgotten gods cross your path. Uncover the mysteries of Iskandria, a once-great city now lost to time, and face challenges that will test your courage and cunning. Seek out mythical creatures, confront deadly foes, and collect powerful artifacts as you race against time to restore balance to the land. Will you become a legend, or be forgotten beneath the relentless hammer of the Sun?"

Listen to the Deep Dive discussion here.

Lifeform Three

"The story of Paftoo, an artificial 'bod' in a dystopian future who works at Harkaway Hall, a nature reserve created from the ruins of a lost civilisation. Paftoo has no memory of his past, and his life is a constant cycle of work and night mode, where his mind is wiped clean. The novel explores themes of memory, identity, and the nature of reality as Paftoo tries to piece together fragments of his past and understand the true nature of the world he lives in."

Watch the bods discuss it on YouTube.

A Minotaur at the Savoy

"A series of letters sent to the Royal Mythological Society from individuals across the globe, detailing their encounters with fantastical creatures and events during the Year of Wonders, a period in which the lines between reality and imagination became blurred. The letters are a mixture of the mundane and the extraordinary, with correspondents reporting on everything from mischievous fairies and shape-shifting demons to giant birds carrying people off to ancient palaces. The letters serve as a humorous record of this extraordinary time, offering a glimpse into the impact of fantastical occurrences on everyday life."

Listen to the Deep Dive hosts talk about it here.

Necklace of Skulls

"The adventure involves the player taking on the role of a Mayan character searching for their lost brother in a fantastical mythological realm, encountering various challenges and finally confronting the semi-divine mage Necklace of Skulls, who may or may not be an aspect of the god of death."

Listen to the Deep Dive discussion here.

Richer source material typically inspires the AI to give a more interesting discussion. There's more depth to a novel like Lifeform Three than you'll find in any gamebook, even Heart of Ice. On the other hand, here's a case of our virtual hosts rising to a seemingly impossible challenge and acquitting themselves well.

Cue the sun

Jamie and I have mostly avoided patching the Vulcanverse books once they're published, as obviously it's not as easy to deliver a patch for a book as it is for a videogame. We wouldn't want people who had already bought the book to miss out. If we do tweak anything in the text, we're always careful to make sure that it's backwards-compatible with earlier editions and doesn't invalidate anything that's already established.

Here's an example. The latest version of The Pillars of the Sky has this section:

The only difference from the earliest edition of the book is in the first line of that section. Previously you only got the codeword Quire; now you also get another codeword, Quell. The reason for the patch is that Quire tracks the setting of that switch. If you turn it off you lose the codeword. Turn it back on and you get Quire again.

That was fine, but we realized it would also be useful to record whether you had found the switch, regardless of whether you happen to leave it on. So once you've got the codeword Quell you can't lose it.

The only place Quell is used is in section 1155 of Workshop of the Gods (book 5):

And that works fine even if you have the original editions (which are collector's items now; only a few dozen were sold before the update) and so you never saw the codeword Quell. The patch adds a little more fine-tuning but doesn't break anything -- which is our policy for any changes to these books.

5e adventures in the world of Dragon Warriors

I got a tip-off a couple of months back that the English edition of Blood Sword 5e would shortly see the light of day, and here's news on Kickstarter that the books are being printed.

I don't know whether it will be possible to buy a copy if you weren't one of the original backers, though I'm hoping so because I want to finally read it! If and when I find out more I'll post it here.

While we're all waiting, there's always the five Blood Sword gamebooks and the tactical maps book to while away the time.

Now all we need is The Cursed King to be released and it'll be a veritable autumn windfall for Legend gamers.

Heart of AI

Worldbuilding matters if you're creating any sort of ongoing series, but especially if it's fantasy or SF. Think of the problems that have bedevilled writers of Doctor Who or Star Trek when they try to remember what's been established in the show's canon. Or even if you're just writing a novel and you introduced a minor character a dozen chapters back and now you have to go searching for what you said about them.

Thankfully it's not as hard as it used to be in the days of typewriters or even fountain pens -- I still have no idea how Anthony Trollope kept track of everything that was going on in the Barchester books while also holding down an important job in the UK postal service. But now we're on the cusp of AI making it much easier. Google's NotebookLM takes your books and can generate a timeline, story outline, FAQs, contents list, and can answer questions about the text with references so you can find the relevant section.

Here's what it had to say about my book Heart of Ice:

Power Corrupts in a Frozen World

Players choose a character with unique skills and navigate through a perilous post-apocalyptic world. The story centres on the search for the Heart of Volent, a powerful artefact believed to hold the key to ultimate power. Players must make choices and engage in combat with other characters and dangerous creatures, navigating through a frozen wasteland to reach a ruined city full of buried secrets. The game's mechanics are detailed, including skills, weapons, and items, allowing for a diverse range of play styles. The text provides a narrative experience with specific instructions and outcomes based on player decisions, culminating in a final confrontation for the Heart of Volent.

The narrative of Heart of Ice explores the themes of power, ambition, and the nature of humanity by placing characters with diverse motivations in a race for an artifact of immense power, the Heart of Volent. The story portrays a bleak future where humanity is on the brink of extinction due to a new ice age and the legacy of past conflicts. 

• The Heart of Volent, a meteorite resembling a violet gemstone, possesses the power to reshape the universe. This power attracts individuals driven by various desires, highlighting the multifaceted nature of ambition. 
• Some, like Kyle Boche, seek ultimate power for personal gain. Boche's treachery and self-preservation instincts are noted by other characters who have dealt with him previously. 
• Others, like Chaim Golgoth, a USI agent, are motivated by duty and the pursuit of national interest. Golgoth's pragmatism is evident in his willingness to secure the Heart for the United States, claim its power for himself, or destroy it to prevent it from falling into "hostile hands". 
• The story also presents characters like Janus Gaunt, who initially seeks the Heart to "set things right" but ultimately succumbs to the corrupting influence of power, plotting to eliminate those he perceives as weak. This descent into ruthlessness exemplifies the seductive and transformative nature of ambition.

The narrative suggests that the pursuit of power can warp even the most well-intentioned individuals, leading them down a path of destruction. This is evident in Baron Siriasis's transformation from a seemingly rational individual to a power-hungry schemer willing to sacrifice the universe for his own rejuvenation and immortality.

The story's focus on a dying Earth further emphasizes the dangers of unchecked ambition. As characters fight for control of the Heart, the fate of humanity hangs in the balance, suggesting that the pursuit of individual power can blind individuals to the collective good.

Finally, the narrative uses the concept of a "heart of ice" to symbolize the ruthlessness and lack of empathy that often accompany the pursuit of power. This recurring motif underscores the story's cautionary message about the potential for power to corrupt even the most humane instincts.

I then asked it a specific question: "Who is the 'gene genie'?" NotebookLM said:

"There is a character named Malengin who is referred to as a 'Gene Genie'. Here's what the text says about him: 

• Malengin is specifically sought out by Thadra Bey, who is described as a 'veritable Amazon' enhanced to be 'more than human'. This suggests that Malengin possesses knowledge or abilities related to enhancing humans beyond their normal capabilities. 
• Thadra Bey seeks Malengin out because the science of genetic engineering cannot be practised where she is from, on al-Lat, due to the risk of infecting the colony with a deadly plague. This further suggests that Malengin is skilled in genetic engineering, and that his practices might be considered dangerous by some. 
• Malengin is described as someone who is said to trade in genetic enhancements through the use of retroviruses. This confirms that Malengin is involved in the world of genetic engineering and uses retroviruses to alter the DNA of his clients, resulting in permanent changes."

What I liked most of all was that NotebookLM can (in mere minutes) generate a podcast-style discussion about the book(s). It's not exactly In Our Time but it's a sign of great things to come. As long as you have a Google account you can listen to the Heart of Ice discussion here.

I've just heard from Fox that their online version of Heart of Ice is now updated, so you can play the adventure for free right now.

How hard should a gamebook be?

Achievement unlocked. 

It's a great thing to see, but only when it's earned. If the world can be saved just by stumbling through an adventure picking options at random, where's the sense of reward? At the same time, gamebook writers are aware that a lot of readers don't have the patience to go digging after clues. If they don't get a pat on the head every few minutes they'll lose interest. We can't please everyone, so what's the answer?

Every gamebook series has to find its own balance. For example, Vulcanverse:

"No one is holding your hand. There is no main quest at the beginning, and at times you will find yourself wandering around looking for clues, treasures, and quests to accomplish. This can be frustrating, but the rewards are for those who persevere and who keep an eye out for the signs and clues you find. One of the coolest moments in these books is when you discover that a clue you found makes sense and reveals a new adventure or a way to solve a problem."

(Review translated from Spanish.)

In those books your decisions can completely change the world, deciding the fate of empires, permanently altering the landscape and the people in it. As another review (also translated by Google) put it: "You have a lot of adventures ahead of you -- not because Vulcanverse has no end, as in other open-world series, but because the stories follow one another and intertwine seemingly without end."

In a traditional gamebook, challenges must be addressed linearly and each one must be dealt with before you progress to the next. That means the individual challenges can't be too hard, because if the player is stumped it's not as if they can go and tackle another quest while they're thinking about it. In other words, challenges can't involve the player thinking, "OK I don't have what I need for this right now, but if I come back with item X and clue Y maybe I can do it." There's the strength of open-world gamebooks right there.

When the rewards have to do with saving an entire civilization, the effort on the part of the player has to be such that it feels earned. That's why Vulcanverse isn't the kind of loosely open-world game in which you can drift around with one eye on something else and still expect to pile up heaps of treasure and accomplishments. To save a universe you have to be prepared to work at it. One reviewer remarked on how he'd been playing for hours, getting a whole bunch of things set up in The Hammer of the Sun, and finally he was able to carry out a ritual that completely changed the whole realm of Notus, unlocking lots of new quests. That cascade of new opportunities, he said, was an achievement worth waiting for.

I was reminded of all this when talking to an old friend about Gunslinger, a tactical RPG-ish boardgame by Richard Hamblen that we used to play a lot back in the 1980s. The best way I can describe it is to say the game would reliably throw up moments as vivid and dramatic as this:

"Remember what incredible stories we'd have to tell after a Gunslinger game," I said. "Why don't we still play that?" My friend shrugged. "Because each game lasted a couple of hours, and nobody has the patience these days for anything that takes longer than Exploding Kittens."

(I can't argue with that, as these days I'd be much more likely to spend a couple of hours playing Fights in Tight Spaces, which has a lot in common with the tactical gameplay of Gunslinger but with much less set-up time and snazzy animations too.)

Quick and simple play for spoon-fed rewards? Or mighty triumphs that you have to work at achieving? There's no right answer to this question. Vulcanverse's hard-won victories are certainly not to everyone's taste, but if there's any gamebook approach that caters to everyone's taste then believe me I'll write it.

French-speaking readers may want to pick up a copy of Le Marteau et l’Enclume issue #12, which is devoted to the launch in France of Forge Divine, the French name for Vulcanverse. Candidly I sometimes wish we'd called it something like that in English too, as the implied connection with the online crypto-based game has probably done little but confuse potential players of the gamebooks. So just for the record, you don't need to know anything about the online game to play the gamebooks -- and vice versa.

Triumph of the pill

Scared yet? If you'd rather retreat from the real world into adventures with entirely imaginary bugbears, here's your reminder that Can You Escape The Vampire's Lair? is still on sale at the special Halloween price of £7.99.

Tomorrow we'll shoot forward to the end of the 23rd century. Come to think of it, I might stay there for the next four years.